CODE Model Coaching™: Midwifery for the Soul?

I’ve never been a big fan of the notion of ‘coaching’.  Way too guy-like… sports-like… and far too reminiscent of the guy standing on the sidelines, running it all while observing the players on the field – the ones engaging life!

Guiding, directing; chastising, praising… and all the rest of it that goes with it.  Short conversations with clear outcomes.  It is not that coaching is a bad thing.  It really is more about:  is coaching what we’re looking for?

In a note to a colleague today, about the notion of WEL-Systems® and CODE Model Coaching™, I wrote :

I have long believed/’felt’/'known’ that what is called CODE Model ‘coaching’ is really an expression of midwifery.  We are present – deeply rooted in the trust of the process of birthing – walking with and bearing witness to that process unfolding and birth occurring.  Deeply caring, profoundly present and yet, profoundly detached.

In those words lie the intention to bear witness to the arrival of a Soul… to be present to listen to the sound of the Signal that s/he is… and to hold space such that upon its tentative arrival, we do not overwhelm and frighten away with our long list of external cues on how this internally referenced ‘being’ should be itself!

That feels so much more authentic to me…so much more real.. and so much more a reflection of what actually goes on.

More and more, I can see why this continues to become the domain of women; why women are so drawn to CODE Model Coaching as a way of  ’being’ and as an expression of  ’leadership’ of a vast and different kind.  It feels easy, natural and authentic.

We live in a time when we are long overdue for the Signal of the godforce that each of us is, must lead.  Midwifery of the  Soul may well be the path that accelerates it all!

When does less become more?

When DOES less become more?

When does slowing down speed up my evolution?

When can doing nothing be exactly the right thing to do?

This may be a moment that will pass, or it could be the impending turn in the road that will take me to a new destination.  As I take this breath and lay fingers to keyboard, I have no idea which truth will become my own.

I have long known and trusted that in order for us to accelerate our evolution, we must slow down… and reconnect to the physical body that allows the Signal that each of us is to express in this realm.  If ‘I’ am not where my body is; if my body, mind and spirit are not completely aligned, is the I AM that I am really here?  Slowing down makes it possible for me to catch up to myself and BE fully alive!

I am one of those who have discovered the magic of the internet!  As much as I once thought email was a passing fad (yes… I know… amazing, isn’t it!), it was not long before I was hooked on the great wave of exhilaration that accompanied instant gratification!  The next wave came in the recognition of the collapse of distance… with friends in Australia, Singapore, Hawaii, England, Japan, etc. becoming but a nanosecond away.  And then – the big one! – it could all happen at the same time!  Imagine my delight in knowing that not only could I communicate (which is what my entire life is about)  but I could connect with ALL OF THEM, instantly, at the same time! Glory be!  Was this not heaven?????

Here I sit some years later, still mesmerized by it all; still enthralled by the magic of ‘right here/right now’ no matter where we all are or what part of the day we occupy… and yet, I sometimes feel more disconnected from myself  and from you in these massive connections that I would anticipate myself to be.  What is that?  Where did that come from?

Am I losing my desire to engage?  Absolutely not!

Am I losing my interest in communicating?   Absolutely not!

I think what I am missing is to know deeply those with whom I am communicating.  What the internet allowed me to do, what now seems oh-so-long-ago, was to communicate instantly and globally with those I knew deeply.  The attributes of fast and far were ways to enhance what mattered to me most:  that much deeper connection.

Now, so much of fast and far is devoid of deep.  Perhaps I am awakening to that much deeper inner truth of my own:  is any of it meaningful – does the fast and the far matter – if/when the deep is not present?

I know… I know… “… everyone’s on Facebook!”… or LinkedIn… or Plaxo… or Twitter… or… or… or…. and so am I.  I greatly value the ease and simplicity of being able to take what is a meaningful thought for me and put it out there for all who choose to consider what it might awaken in them.  I know that when we share those thoughts with each  other; when we decloak and allow mind to touch mind, our worlds expand.  That part I love… like I love being able to know your thoughts and discover what’s meaningful for you.  Maybe what is sometimes missing for me is getting to discover that WITH you and not just ABOUT you.  Know what I mean?

So, I really don’t know.  As active as I am on Facebook and Twitter and other places, I am paying more attention to what brings me joy.  Is that not what it’s all about?

As much as I’m doing what is useful/practical/required/blah blah blah to be able to be found/seen; and as much as you’re doing the same thing so that I can find/see you… I’m starting to ask myself:  what’s this all about?

So, today is a slow-down kind of day.  A day to stop… and watch it all go by… and ask myself:  is this the train I want to ride?  Right now, I don’t know – and when I do, I’ll be sure to let you know.. I think…

Breathing is good….

WEL-Systems: Discovering what it is by eliminating what it’s not!

Wow… here I sit, wondering:  what will it take?  What will be the ‘right’ combination of words, ideas, notions, experiences, outcomes, tools, frameworks… moments!… that will finally have it be clear; that will finally make it easy and effortless to understand what WEL-Systems® is!  

2010 marks the 20th anniversary of this amazingly powerful,  profoundly transformational expression of human potential!  Although in development through the ’80’s, September 1990 marked my departure from what was ‘out there’, propelling me to move ‘in here’ and begin what has been an amazing journey of 20 years of my own (ongoing) evolution and the profoundly moving experience of engaging with others, in theirs.

Yesterday, I spent some time browsing what I had written in the past… wondering what January of 2007, 2008 and 2009 had ’sounded’ like from the words of my own voice on the screen of this blog.  I have long known ‘things’ that (I believe) are intended to become the ‘norm’ for us as human beings.  I am mindful that as we face into the challenges of the coming decade, we are destined to emerge as a new species… as a species that designs itself from the inside-out, and not one that struggles to define itself from the outside-in.  I am hopeful that I will live long enough to see my garden filled with the magnificence of such blossoms, filling the air with the potent aroma of life lived fully, lived large and lived authentically!

As I ponder how else… what else… might be said about ‘What is WEL-Systems’, it occurs to me that perhaps a good place to start is to remove all that IT IS NOT!  It is possible that in doing so, what will remain will stand out and be more easily recognizable… able to be claimed without fear of being tainted with or tarnished by all that we’ve come to distrust in our often disappointing previous journeys of personal growth and evolution.

What WEL-Systems IS NOT:

* IT IS NOT a religion or a cult.  It is devoid of dogma and mandatory procedures to which we must sacrifice the unique expression of who we are in order to gratify the hunger of the larger collective.  There is neither requirement nor interest in homogenizing to the lowest common denominator, knowing the sustainable power of any living, organic collective resides in the unique and authentic expression of every individual in it.  For this, we must let go and trust that open, clear, honest and direct communication in a context of respect, integrity and generosity of spirit (RIG) is essential to individual wellbeing and, by extension, will flow through the larger whole as an expression of its natural state of being.

* IT IS NOT a thing.  You cannot put it in your briefcase or stand it on your bookcase shelf.  It does not live in a manual or a schedule or any particular place or event.  It lives in and is sustained by the moment-to-moment and authentic conversations that we are willing to have with each other; in the willingness and ability to be ourselves and tell what is our unique truth; and in the great desire to be fully alive and visibly/audibly expressive , each in our own life.

* IT IS NOT a script or agenda or a technique to be memorized and repeated; or a performance to be practiced and delivered.  It is the expression of an organic, living being – seeking to be in the moment and wiling to decloak to another – devoid of any external performance requirements.  It is the living embodiment of the ultimate expression of the ultimate internal reference:  that each of us IS the godforce, expressing through tissue in a physical universe.

* IT IS NOT dependent on any guru or master or guide.  It is intended to offer a body of knowledge that becomes a safe, predictable pathway; and to help you discover, within yourself, your own unquestionable compass for your life,  that you might find your own way home, knowing that if you’re ever lost you have what it takes to navigate by the stars of your inner truth and you’ll be just fine.  All you have to do is listen.

* IT IS NOT seeking to radiate and draw those to its centre by encouraging them to lose their own; but is intended to offer discovery of the powerful centre from which we all emenate and trust it to flow through us and from us and light up our lives and our world!

WEL-Sytems is an approach to transforming our lives that expands, deepens and accelerates our evolution as individuals and, subsequently, of the collective that becomes the reflection of who we are choosing to be.  Over these last 20 years of field testing and real-life, real-time results, it has been the invitation for thousands to discover the magic and miracles that are sourced from within; and invited them to engage!

The WEL-Systems approach has 3 essential components :

1.  The WEL-Systems body of knowledge (as laid out in my first two books (Fully Alive and Phoenix Rising) and the still-relevant CD program of Pathways to Personal Power) offers tried-and-true, simple and powerful models that become the stepping stones along a pathway to being in charge of our own lives!  With these, you have what it takes to do it for yourself and to share the possibility with the people you care about.   Without these, you are destined to be swept away in the content of your stories and the seduction of understanding, trapped at lower levels of thinking about yourself, your world and your ability to move through that world.  With these models, you discover how to raise your eyes and look up to your potential and redefine how it becomes the living flesh and not just a yearning to know the ‘more’ that calls from somewhere deep inside your being.

2.  Quantum TLC™ – the life-altering experience that accelerates evolution by allowing the body to do what it is designed to do – and all we have to do is get out of the way.

3.  CODE Model Coaching™ (as a living expression of The CODE Model™) that becomes the invitation for leadership of a very different and far more powerful kind!  Those who know and live the first two parts (know the way and live the experience) also know that personal evolution is the key to engaging with anyone else in the journey of theirs; and that there is no greater adventure of accelerated personal evolution than to engage with others in the chaos of discovery!

20 years!  Twenty amazing, glorious, deeply sacred and profoundly transformational years!  I have no idea what the WEL-Systems approach will offer me (offer us all!) in the coming years, but I do know this:  we are in the midst of one of the moments of greatest upheaval in the history of our species.  Now, more than ever, we would do well to let go of all that has brought us to where we are and allow ourselves to entertain.. to consider… another way of moving through and creating our lives.

The WEL-Systems approach is how I choose to live my life; and it is how I choose to engage with others as they lay claim to their unstoppable desire to live theirs.  I may not ever know, specifically, where it will take me and I know for sure – without a moment of hesitation – that it will be exactly where I need to be.

Breathing is good….

When does virtue become a vice?

I am so mindful of reactions to and language around those moments when women are perceived to be less than ‘patient’ and ‘understanding’ and ‘caring’. What exactly does that mean?

In a recent chat with a friend and colleague, the thought that kept coming into my awareness was about ‘patience is a virtue’… leading me to wonder: when does a virtue become a vice?

Personally? I think some of these saintly, woman-ly values have become the very ties that have bound women for decades – and caused us to put duct tape over our own mouths.

Much of the conversation that recently took place with a small gathering of women, talking… circled these ideas in ways that were open, clear, honest and direct – in a context of RIG – and very directly challenged the underpinnings of what is ‘good’ and ‘kind’ and ‘just’ and ‘desirable’. I was reminded of when I was growing up and the degree to which those moments of my own unwillingness to roll over and play dead; my insistence that my own voice also be heard; my determination to stay present to what was meaningful for me was termed ’stubborn’ and ‘pushy’… and the degree to which so much of this was associated with my being ‘difficult’ or ‘uncooperative’; being ‘butch’ or ‘unfeminine’; being ’selfish’ and ‘not a team player’.

What better way to silence me than to ensure I ultimately choose to silence myself rather than live as a social outcast or one so unattractive/undesirable and offensive to others.

I believe I can be open, clear, honest and direct; I can be present and fully engaged in a meaningful way for myself, in ways that are expressed in a context of RIG. AND, having said that, my voice will be definite! It will be strong and clear and most audible! It will have edges when the requirement is to carve out a life worth living.  And it will reflect the godforce that I AM in every breath.

I invite and expect nothing less from you.

Perhaps we are far too long overdue for an overhaul of the terms that have come to be associated with ‘virtuous’ and ‘desirable’ in the evolution of women.  We may well awaken to a recognition that what we once worked so hard to achieve are, in fact, the evidence of the very ties that bind.

Breathing is good….

A Gift to Yourself: Intimate and meaningful conversations

Happy New Year to all!

I, for one, am bursting at the seams with the sense of possibility and potential that 2010 offers us all. I know that each of us will carve out our own path as we move forward into the coming days, weeks and months, remembering that it all begins with a single breath.

The world is changing – and fast!  There are times when I feel that I have been frozen in time… that time and space have somehow collapsed that I might catch up to myself!… and that the time is ‘now’ , for so much of what has always been a ‘truth’ for me to become accessible as a much larger truth in my world.

Over my 20+ years of carving out and walking this WEL-Systems® path, I have sometimes been discouraged that others could not easily see what I see – not because what I see is ‘right’ or ‘the answer’ but because when seen by others, it has profoundly and joyfully transformed their lives!  I want lives – mine and yours – to be profoundly and joyfully lived.

Over this time, I’ve written articles and books; have blogged regularly and prolifically, and one day read this comment from a friend/client:

“As always, your message is to the point: clear, concise and caring. I note that the elements are still the same after all these years.”

Reading her words really drove home, for me, the realization that as much as the WEL-Systems material may always have been way ahead of its time, its time is NOW.  It appears that now – in the midst of recognizing that what we have always known and how we have always  sought is not working for so many of us! – there is a greater hunger to see and hear a different invitation to our own expansion… to our own evolution, accelerated!

Do I tire of repeating myself?  Absolutely.  Am I willing to continue to repeat myself if doing so will be meaningful?  Absolutely!

I’ve recently recorded more than 30 sound files on topics that are Inspirational, Motivational and Provocative.  These are short (ranging from 5 to 15 minutes) and are intended to make it easier to consider these thoughts, within yourself.  In our fast-paced world, many are drawn to the notion of listening while they do other things (e.g. fill in the blanks: get ready for work, clean out a drawer, organize papers on their desks, etc.).  In making these thoughts accessible in a simple way, it may well be that their simplicity will awaken something potent within the listener.

The first one – The Year of Practical Magic –  is now available for you to experience.

And there will be more!  For the next 10 weeks, they will be released at a rate of 3 per week (one in each of the three categories) on Monday, Wednesday and Friday until all 30 have been made public.  To be sure to have access to them all; and to locate the Archive as they are released, be sure to set up your RSS feed by visiting:   www.WEL-Systems.com/engage.  All you will have to do is click on ‘Listen‘ to find them all!

I’m mindful that over the last 20 years, the nature of the work that I do has left me noticing that the higher order thinking that it offers makes the messages as relevant and potent today as they were 20 years ago!  I believe that the time has come for its expression to be more readily heard and received by many. As we consider the undeniable changes occurring in the world, it makes sense that we would be both willing and able to seek, differently.

I ask that you consider sharing these sound files with the people in your life that you care about.  Stretch yourself a little!  Take a chance that indeed, they may be just as hungry for a new direction as you are!  Start your Great Adventure of 2010 by giving yourself the great gift of more intimate, meaningful and authentic conversations with the people in your life.  Let these short and compelling audio invitations do the ground-work that will lead to new opportunities to know and be known, to give and to receive, and to be the guideposts to new ways of thinking and being.  Does it get any better than this?

Be well… and enjoy!

Thinking About… Breathing

Breathing is good!

Begin to pay attention to how many times during your day you catch yourself holding your breath or breathing very shallowly into the top of the lungs. In that moment of noticing, don’t bother chastising yourself, just stop…take a long, slow, deep breath….and let your intellect relax into your body. If you want to deepen your state of relaxation, hold your breath on the exhale for a count of three before inhaling again. The key is to breathe S-L-O-W-L-Y. Although it may seem like an eternity, 90 seconds can change your life.

Bullying

I read Tanya’s posting and had to move away from it.  As I ‘heard’ the small voice of her son, torrents of memories flooded back into my awareness of a time, not-so-long-ago, when her voice would have been my own.  Although the difference would have been in my son being the one in the schoolyard being harassed/bullied/harmed, both would have been victims.

I took my time.  Had a shower… stared at my face in the mirror, noticing how empty were the eyes that stared back at me… wandered slowly through the house locating purse, laptop, boots, etc… determining that my ride to the office would give me breathing space.

Still very fresh – more than 10 years later – were the memories of countless trips to the school to see the principal… or this teacher.. or that teacher… because yet one more time, my son had been ganged-up on, in the schoolyard.  Perhaps my strongest memory is of that time when he was 9 and in  private school (thinking, foolishly, that somehow this would be better!); making my first trip to a new principal’s office… seeking resolution on a situation where a 15YO had isolated my son at a yard entrance and threatened to beat him up if he ever used that entrance again.  The principal’s approach was one of ‘leave them alone and they’ll work it out’.  I think not!  A 15YO and a 9YO would not be working this out, at all.  Particularly when I discovered that the older child had been expelled from several other schools due to violence.

Her approach was “Boys will be boys… and we just need to let them work things out”.  Just goes to prove that a PhD doesn’t make you smart.

So, we had a chat.  I spent years having chats with people who – in my opinion/experience/etc. – could not/would not see what was under their nose.  Was it their vision?  Or was it the perceptual filters of their own histories that made it impossible for them to see?

As I read Tanya’s words, I was keenly aware of a few things.  I was grateful my sons are now in their 20’s and have acquired skills to manage their lives, differently.  During those many and varied, very trying times, I would sit by myself in my office and weep at my sense of helplessness in making their lives different.  I would cry for my sons, for the other sons, and for the misery in their small lives.

I felt such compassion and deep respect for Tanya, knowing only too well what she was moving through and knowing, sadly, that it would not be the last time.

I felt rage… knowing that one child needing to assault another – for any reason! – was an acquired skill!  One that came from witnessing or experiencing the same in their own lives.  One fueled by fear and/or shame and/or the boundless determination NEVER to be the victim in their own lives.

As much as I do not know the answer, I do know what the answer is NOT.  Resolution does not lie in looking the other way in the schoolyard.  It does not lie in philosophies of ‘boys will be boys’ and we need to let them work it out!  It does not lie in pretending it’s not happening, or changing the subject, or teaching our children to lie or hide.

Like any other mother – whether her son is the bully or the bullied – I want my children to be able to love who they are.  Self-loathing is a recipe for a disastrous life; a life of pain inflicted on self and/or other.  For me, I believed that what I could do was teach my sons – by example and not philosophy – that as much as I could not control the world ‘out there’, I could control my responses to it.  I could say ‘no’.  I could make requests… and keep making them until I got what I wanted!  I could create alternatives to what was being offered.  And when they were very young, I knew that I could choose to stand with them when they made the choice to stand alone.

My sons were taught that because someone is older and taller it does not make them smarter or right.  They were taught “Trust yourself.  Think for yourself.  If someone – a teacher, a coach, a daycare worker, etc. – wants you to do something that feels wrong for you to do, say ‘No thank you.”  If they persist, say “No thank you – and please call my mother.”  And then, it was up to me to show up and run interference in a way that honored me, honored him and respected the people around me.  It wasn’t always easy, it wasn’t always fun AND it was always necessary.

Perhaps in those moments it was not about the immediate outcome because there were lots of times when it sucked!  Perhaps it was about the next breath… how they would choose to take it, or not… and who they would give themselves permission to become.

I think I’ve rambled enough, now.  I need a good cry.

Tanya, you are not alone.

Breathing is good…..

Thinking About… Experience

Trust your experience! To trust your experience, you must first learn to trust your body since that’s the only place experience can occur. Your intuition…your instincts….your ‘gut’ feel…are your body’s way of offering you huge amounts of information in a single wave of intelligence. Life expands quickly and effortlessly when we choose to pay attention.

Trouble does not come from paying attention to this experience – it comes when we choose to ignore it!

Thinking About… Heart

Be gentle with yourself. Without that, your capacity for compassion, tolerance and patience with others will be a philosophy that struggles to become your way of life.  Learning to be gentle with ourselves teaches us to recognize that moment when it is so desperately required in someone else.

Thinking About… Chaos

Bifurcation is such an interesting experience in the body.  We feel two distinct things at the same time:  the chaos of the old coming apart and the great excitement/anticipation of the creation of the new.  They co-exist, occupying the same space and the same time, and the sensation plays itself out in the body.  Personally?  My life has been at its most creative and compelling in those moments!