Wake-up Call

Can it be? The month of January is already gone! How did that happen….and where did it all go? Lately, it seems that I take a breath and when I exhale, I discover that a week has gone by. I am noticing acceleration in many ways and at many levels.

As much as I experience today as a flat kind of day, these moments are not unfamiliar to me. Somewhere in my experience, I am reminded that they are often the precursor to a huge shift in perspective that opens up new conduits for accelerated change. Once again, that restlessness is tugging at…something!…for me to pay attention to. I also know that in the emerging future that is in flow, all I need to do is allow and it will come in its time – and not a nanosecond sooner or later.

In this ‘flatness’, I am drawn to do ‘flat’ things – like clean out my inbox, delete junk, catch up on long overdue responses, etc. Trying to force the birth of a new creation (i.e. an article, book, experience, etc.) is like thinking that if I hold my breath and push hard, the baby will come now rather than on its own schedule. I tried that once- it didn’t work then, either.

As part of the magic of the mundane, I found this note to myself – written so long ago I can’t even remember having written it. And yet, it was a startling reminder to me of what holds meaning for me, in my life. Funny how that happens…..

I wrote:

“It is my desire to create a self-sustaining, global WEL-Systems community. To do this, there must be others – highly contagious and unflinching in the contagion of who they are and how they move through the world. Each, in his/her own way, becomes a beacon – a signal of invitation – to attract others who are seeking to find a more powerful way to move through the world.

These are the people who shape their world and profoundly affect all with whom they come in contact. They are shameless….relentless….fearless….and filled with the deep and abiding trust in themselves, their world and their ability to move through it with grace, power and elegance. No longer apologetic for who they are, their presence alone is enough to awaken and invite the ‘more’ that each of us harbors deep within.

That means that those who come into my framework are those who seek to bring the contagion of who they are into their world – not just for their own coaching/evolution but with the mindful intention of infecting others, always aware that without hospitable ground, the thought virus that they are will not take hold. Inside, the voice they hear reminds them: ‘I’m only looking for the people who are looking for me.”

It is never about forcing change on anyone. It is about creating a vibrant, growing organic collective of those for whom change is an essential expression of their LifeForce.”

As I read this, something inside me stirs. It is as if I’ve been napping…and this is my wake-up call. And as I write these words, I know – it’s time.

Breathing is good…..

Vibrations from the deep

It would seem that Lori, Anne and I are in some kind of mutually-expanding dance, today. For me, it begins as believing in myself…my Self…no matter what, and leads to BEING MySelf no matter what. When I am clear that I AM, what is there to believe in? It boils down to one single expression: ENGAGE

Over the years, I’ve discovered that it’s easy for me to believe in mySelf when things are going well/easily/comfortably. But what has always made the difference is continuing to BE mySelf when things went ‘wrong’; when others shook their heads and slowly moved away; when the little voice in my head, berating me for being stupid/thick/unrealistic/naive/etc., would not cease. What shaped my world was to BE mySelf even when the compelling force of my cultural conditioning pressed for stopping… apologizing… hiding… redicrecting myself…and coming, once again, to ‘know my place’; to BE mySelf in those moments when the flame flickered and seemed slowly to suffocate as I was pulled to enter into the deep sleep of my conditioned thoughts.

Through all this, in BEING mySelf, none of it was hidden. It was there for all to see (if they could find the courage to look) as I lived my private confusion/uncertainty/chaos in a public world. The magnificence of my imperfection IS what’s perfect!

In that moment, I found a deeper sound much lower in my body that was not words, but a vibration. What comes to mind is the vibration of something massive…something immensely powerful… unstoppable… moving steadily forward.

That vibration was/is that I AM…. that the godforce that I am IS…. and that my future is emerging with its greatest focus and deepest intent.

All I ever have to do is breathe… BE mySelf…. and allow myself to be guided by this vibration. Just keep moving forward, one step leading the way and making possible the next. ENGAGE. Live! Claim the moment and let it claim me.

It’s not complicated – and in a holographic universe…MY universe….it will be as I know it will be.

Breathing (really) is good

Women Awakening: How can we tell?

Yesterday, I spent much of my day with a small group of women who are determined to live their own lives – fully and now!

This second offering of the new half-day event that I’ve called ‘Women Awakening’ has already morphed into something very different from the December event; and from yesterday, I can feel the shifts already in flow for the next one. It is indeed, a living thing.

It’s a simple question: am I awake or am I asleep? And yet, how often do we even bother to wonder? Unless I’m willing to check in from time-to-time, I may completely miss a decade of my life in the mindless sleepwalk of habituation.

Am I awake or am I asleep? Am I choosing or just reacting? Do I pause before I do/don’t do or do I just trundle along? And when was the last time I even noticed?

December’s half-day had a PowerPoint presentation at its core. As interesting as it was, and as important as the content/material might be, it left me (and how I feel about it is important for me and my own evolution) feeling empty in some way. Great women. Great conversations – and still, something missing.

Yesterday, the PowerPoint presentation was gone. It’s not who I am – nor does it create what is meaningful to me. It has proven to be an interesting metaphor. How can I use a PowerPoint presentation (which draws their attention to something outside of themselves) to encourage people to go inside themselves? Yesterday’s conversation led to looking inside, given that there was just us, in conversation with each other.

As I read Lori’s blog today, the thought that comes to me is yet again that of ‘How willing am I to ask myself about awake/asleep? How awake am I to the truth of who I am…whether anyone else sees what I see, or not? How willing am I to believe in myself when others may not? And how willing am I to have it not matter whether anyone else does or doesn’t….believe in me? When it no longer matters, the ‘click’ inside happens and life changes profoundly. The freedom to just BE and ENGAGE fills all the little places and spaces where before, the need for permission had its roots. Without those roots, ‘permission’ has no strength in my life.

As much as I was unsure about continuing with the Women Awakening experience, I am clear that the next one will only gain strength in its expression to discover: am I awake or am I asleep?

I matter… and you matter….but only when and because we say so.

Breathing is good…..

Can nurture and leverage share a life?

I’m in my car heading for the office when all of a sudden it occurs to me why so many women don’t live the lives they desire. They keep trying to do it alone.

I’ve often said that women are culturally conditioned to be the caretakers of the relationships while men are culturally conditioned to be the caretakers of the tasks. Women take care of people – men take care of business.

Over time, this has resulted in women seeking the company of other women for support for themselves as they tend to being the support of others. They seek the company of other women to be comforted in difficult times and/or to share in moments of joy and delight. Men, on the other hand, do no such thing. Men seek the company of other men to leverage what they want to create. Men effectively use each other to get what they want in the world – sometimes with mutual benefit, and sometimes not.

I find myself wondering: is it possible for women to seek the company of other women to leverage what they want to create without sacrificing their desire for relationship?

In my work, I have often spoken to others about co-creation. One of the first things I believe is that you cannot co-create with another person if you have not created. I believe that we must first show up for our own lives before we can bring that life into co-creation with the life of another. That we do things with others does not necessarily mean that we are co-creating.

I also believe strongly that there is no need for me to sacrifice or in any way diminish my intention in order to synergistically support you in yours. There are many ways and places where some aspect of my intention will have an overlap with some aspect of your intention – and in that moment, there lies the opportunity for us to co-create in some way. Nothing of me is diminished, nothing of you is diminished and from the willingness to co-create in that place of shared intention, we both become more.

Many women seem to have an aversion to saying what they want and being willing to become the heat-seeking missile to find that ‘other’ whose intention is synergistic with their own. And perhaps that is where the biggest difference lies.

In finding that other with a synergistic intention, it is not about using someone – it is about engaging openly, directly and in a compelling way with someone who is also on that same journey but perhaps a different path. Shared interests; shared intention; shared results.

As I engage with one person in this way for one expression of co-creation, who knows what else will come from this engaging? In that moment, an emerging future presents itself to be embraced… or not. Life gets bigger, faster and begins to express outside of me what moves so compellingly inside of me.

* In a holographic universe, multiple realities can co-exist simultaneously. That means that you can live your creations, I can live mine, Mary can live hers and so on. And they can all unfold in the same expression of physical space/time. The physical never limits the metaphysical, meaning that physical space can never limit intention/imagination/creativity.

* You can create what is meaningful to you and when the time is right and as you share that with me and others, I can consider that and notice where your intention is synergistic with my intention and in that slice of potential, I can engage with you directly. I can also engage with you indirectly by knowing that your intention and mine share a higher intention, making it very easy for me to encourage the people I come in contact with who are looking for you to find you

* Co-creation does not require that we be in each others pockets! It means that you get to be you, I get to be me and without any compromise (with compromise being an old model of the world) we can dance together when we desire to and not dance together when we no longer want to without the need to make each other wrong/bad/less than.

* My experience of powerful women who have not yet claimed that in themselves is that they resent other powerful women who have, just because they have. These latter are a constant reminder to those still in hiding of who they are not allowing themselves to be… and are hiding from the world.

More thoughts flow…. but these are for another day.

Breathing is good…..

Fighting for our health will kill us

I’ve noticed lately, on my drives to and from the office, lots of talk on radio about ‘fighting’ disease and ‘battling with’ disease. The frequency of it has startled me, not only in the references to our need to fight for health but also in the seemingly entrenched view that fighting is indeed, essential to wellness.

That is not my experience. Over the 20+ years of working with others (many of whom have been seriously ill with a wide range of chronic, degenerative dis-eases), fighting/battling was never the approach that brought a return to wellness.

It was always more about listening; about changing our perception of just what the dis-ease was aobut; about discovering how to perceive and decode the message that the body was trying to send through what we call ‘disease’ or ‘breakdown’ of the body. Without exception, when the intelligence of the message was digested or metabolized by the body, the dis-ease disappeared. For most people, this experience falls into the category of ‘magic’ – and yet, it is nothing more than good science.

Just because something is unusual, different or unexpected, it does not mean that we must brace for battle. On the contrary, ‘battling’ dis-ease only adds to the stress of the dis-ease itself. Battling demands bracing against – and it also demands fear.

A fear response in the body will collapse potential, not expand it. An attitude of curiosity, coupled with the willingness to invest ourselves in our own potential, allows things to open and expand. In that moment, information flows, the ‘wave’ moves through the body and in its movement, life has already changed who we are.

Battling dis-ease presupposes that what is there is bad, unwanted, invasive and an intrusion on what we believe we should be. One thing I know for sure about that: we’re wrong. How unfortunate it is that we’re willing to die to be right about it.

Breathing is good…..

Presence

In my world, it’s all about metaphors in a holographic universe. My very life itself is a metaphor for how I live. I sometimes wonder: am I paying attention?

Today, I spoke with a close friend who is being pursued relentlessly by chaos in her life. We talk… she ponders… and I wonder: where am I being relentlessly pursued by chaos in my life? It may not look like hers or sound like hers, but I can be sure that it’s there. I’m paying attention.

Today, as I read Lori Walton’s (www.loriwalton.blogspot.com) blog entry of her recent gathering in Halifax, I found myself wondering: how is this about me? Lori’s capacity to ENGAGE and just be herself brought magic into that room, into that conversation and into their lives. Once again, I’m paying attention.

We’re taught to look ‘out there’ – to an external reference – to determine our results and hence, our worth. We’re taught to focus on the power of the intellect; the importance of knowledge and content; the value of credentials, initials and labels. And yet, no one teaches us where the magic is. This, we learn by living, loving and being willing to be ourselves.

When we share ourselves with others; when we become willing to allow others to penetrate the veneer and really see us; when we dare to be excited by our own creations and delight in the joy of being ourselves, the world breathes more deeply and expands.

What matters most is that I look inside myself….where I live…for my questions, my answers and, most importantly, the power of this moment. In my world, it’s all that matters.

Breathing is good…..

Empty Nest-itis?

Today, I am very aware of an impending shift in being ‘mother’. My sons have gone for the week, eagerly and happily looking forward to their holiday in the Caribbean with their father, sisters and grandmother. Much laughter as we drove to the rendez-vous point to gather for the limo ride to the airport.

I have no memory of my sons being away without me. It’s not that they’ve not travelled without me; and it’s not that I’ve not travelled without them. This is the first time that they have been off continent without me. It’s a long swim home!

This week, I get to try on how it will feel when they have both decided it’s time to feather their own nests. Perhaps having their own nest does not mean that mine will be empty. It will just be different.

I think of what fine young men they have become – funny, careing, compassionate, think for themselves, smart – I am blessed that not only do I love them, I like who they have become as people. I ponder for a moment… and know….that I am a lucky woman.

Breathing is good….

Telling the truth

Today, I got into a conversation about truth. Knowing the truth. Telling the truth. Being willing to act on the truth. On the surface, a seemingly simple and straightforward conversation. But there is always more….

We think we’re telling the truth when what we say is accurate. I find myself wondering: how often do we tell the truth by saying things that are accurate but completely inauthentic?

Truth (about something) that is accurate will make you right. Truth (about yourself) that is authentic will make you grow.

Breathing is good….

Opening my eyes

For me, it’s really not complicated: I am the lifeforce/godforce in expression in a physical universe – and so is everyone else. I am the expression of Life, itself, and not a vessel for it or a conduit for it. I am IT. Why is it so difficult for us to get this one?

Memories of so many programs… putting my hands under the fabric covering the table top and having my right hand ‘tent’ the fabric in one place and my left hand tent it in another place, each hand seemingly visibly separate and different from the other….and yet, both expressions of the same fabric. Life! That fabric is Life itself, and those apparently separate hands are individual expressions of that same Life!

We’re taught two things – regardless of where or when we’re born – and they are: 1) there is a god and 2) we’re not it. Ground into our little brains and bodies, day after day after day; often backed up with emotional (shame/humiliation) and physical (spanking/yanking/slapping, et) pain is that this god is often punitive; that we don’t measure up; and that we must be sure to please him and be sure not to annoy him. Know what he wants and just comply.

This trains us to live always seeking some authority outside of ourselves: parents, teacher, doctor, priest/minister, etc. Someone to ensure that we pause…and look to for a reaction… before daring to take a step or wrap our hand around anything or engage any expression of life. Not daring to move without first checking with an authority – an external reference – to be sure that it’s ok. Doing this ingrains in us (during a time in our lives when we are totally dependent on those training us into this world view) not to question under penalty of penalty! Ours is not to ask questions – ours is to follow instructions; to seek outside of ourselves for the rules and what/how to proceed. In this way, we are trained to fit in to appropriate behaviour in a homogenized society.

We are also taught that there is only one. That means that the job is taken. That means that the best we will ever be is less than that one god. The deal is: serve and follow the direction, or die (emotionally/physically/spiritually).

Creating this notion of the ‘one god’ necessitates and demands personification. Doing so then teaches us to be amenable to following the direction of ‘one’ in ‘authority’. Without giving it this sense of a unique and powerful being, there is nothing for us to identify with. As much as we’re taught that this god is not like us, we make it so (personification) so that we can relate to it.

Like something put in motion eons ago, long forgotten by its originators and having simply become habit to all that followed, this intergenerational habit now has a life of its own. It just goes on and on and on….. most of it outside any kind of conscious thought or selection. A habit of one-god-and-it’s-not-us’ness, overtaking us all.

What a massive charade! And yet, being willing and able to play in it seems essential to the world that we’ve created. Its entire unfolding rests on this relationship…on this recognition of the need to defer to an external, superior force whose underpinning is one simple thought: it is not us, it never will be us and we’re not up to it.

Perhaps it is the language of ‘godforce’ that terrifies everyone. Such nasty consequences if we dare to consider ourselves to be ‘godforce’. Test it for yourself: stand in front of a mirror, quiet the body and say out loud: “I am the godforce, expressing in a physical world.” Just notice what happens in your body, and in the ‘monkey-mind’ response that fires off. We’ve learned well. .

The thing that never ceases to amaze me is that the ‘fact’ that none of us is the godforce is so profoundly, relentlessly, deeply and rigorously ingrained that it is virtually impossible for us to question, or for any other possibility to even penetrate the thick crust of our conditioning; to recognize what indeed, lives inside us, making it impossible for us to wake up and see who we are. And so we drone on – and so do our lives.

From one conversation to the next; from one program to the next, I am profoundly saddened not only by the degree to which we have been pummeled into believing – absolutely and without question! – that we are small, puny, innately bad and helpless but also by the degree to which we refuse to consider anything else to be the essence of what we are!

We all have eyes with which to see. If I keep my eyes closed, I can still see. I see light and dark and shadow and movement. You, on the other hand, may choose to open your eyes. In doing so, not only do you have the option of seeing what I see, you also see so much more! You see detail and color; you see form and texture. You see density and immensity. We don’t discuss what we see, we argue about what there is to be seen. And yet, all I have to do is open my eyes. You cannot explain to me how to do that; nor can you do it for me. I must simply choose – and open my eyes.

Life changes quickly, dramatically and profoundly when we simply choose to open our eyes.

Addiction and surrender

I’ve been distracted lately…busily living my life….just letting thoughts drift in and out… waiting to be enticed by some compelling new insight that will draw me to the keyboard.

It seems that while I’m waiting, living happens. I find myself in another city, traveling with a very dear friend whose family member is struggling with ‘addiction’. We journey together to be there, trusting that doing so will in some small way quiet the fear – and the shaking and sweating and the nausea and the agitation that go with it.

We arrive late afternoon and talk, long into the night. I ponder the next day’s departure for a 21-day stay at a rehab centre, knowing in my heart that were we to have just three days together, none of it would be necessary. It is not about addiction – it’s about having to learn, all over again, what it is to be ourselves; what it is to know and live from the truth of our experience; and what it is to be willing to have who we are be enough.

I know 12-step. I spent years in 12-step programs. It’s not that going to the rehab centre with a 12-step approach is a bad thing – it’s not enough. Long ago, I wrote an article on my view of addiction, having lived it and learned so profoundly from it. I hold myself as one of the lucky ones: I discovered something else.

This brings me to the ‘god’ part – the part that presses the hardest to take a front row seat in the theatre of my attention.

We talk into the small hours and finally consider sleep as a possibility. Restlessness and the impending departure for rehab ensure that sleep does not come easily, no matter how deeply fatigued the body is. After a couple of hours, it’s time to get up and make our way through the dark, in the freezing rain and along the treacherous roads to our destination.

I sit in the back seat, listening to the conversation in the front. I feel tears and a heave in my chest as I think of this incredible godforce – oblivious to its own presence – about to be told to once more surrender. Surrender to a higher power. Surrender to the 12-steps. Surrender…to whatever it is that was thought to be the answer to this problem. I think to myself: how strange and sad that we are never encouraged to surrender to the truth of our own experience and allow IT to guide us.

And so, there sits another incredible godforce… in rehab… learning yet one more time how to NOT be the truth of his experience but to surrender the truth of that experience to yet another externally imposed framework.

In this moment, in the writing of it, it makes me weep. Yet another swan that thinks it’s just an ugly duck. Hope lies in the first day after the 21.

Breathing is good…..