It’s not enough….

It’s not enough:
• for me to breathe once a day….and hope that for the remainder of my day, someone else will breathe for me.
• to say ‘no’ only when I’ve run out of reasons not to say ‘yes’, knowing all along that ‘no’ was my truth.
• to be silent to avoid being irritating or annoying or shunned when the absence of my voice ensures the slow but steady advance of a lie.
• to disappear into myself, curl up into a ball, hold my breath and remain motionless, terrified that if seen, I’ll have to take a stand for something!
• to only find my courage now and then, when I know that courage is what it takes to change my world.
• to hide, when being seen is what will make the difference.
• to be mindful once a week when mindfulness is the essence of a meaningful life.

Yesterday, in rich, meaty, satisfying conversation with a small group of women (you know how it goes – women gathering in small groups, talking….The Force that will change the world!), one was heard to say “It’s hard to change.” In that moment, I wondered: if the word ‘hard’, disappeared from our vocabulary, what truth would we discover about ourselves as we searched for the word that would capture what was under the ‘hard’ of change. “It’s frightening…”? “It’s frustrating…”? “It’s lonely….”? When we let go of ‘hard’, the next layer finds room to rise up and present another piece of the puzzle.

We also talked of trust. As we did, I realized that I have come to make the distinction between trusting others (external referencing) and trusting myself. And even in that, there is trusting my Self (that direct line to the signal that flows through the body that lives in this physical world) and there is trusting myself (the natural intelligence of the organic being that I am…the one that does the dance of the signals 2 and 3). When I relax and trust my Self, life is easy.

At the end of November, we will gather again. And once again, I’ll discover more of who I can become.

Breathing is good…..

Sometimes, you have to stir the pot….

…to discover the tasty morsels that have slowly sunk to the bottom in the great stew of life!

Today, I’m exhilerated and exhausted – both at the same time. I am just buzzing with the potential that we all are – ready to rock and roll! – and in the same instant, am ready for a nap. It occurs to me that this is another real-life, real-time example of how two distinct experiences can occupy the same space at the same time. We really are quite magnificent! Wherever did we learn to think of ourselves as puny?

The Huna Retreat was yet another unique experience for me (see my Huna Blog for more). This was the 4th Annual Huna Retreat at Oceanstone, and I know there will be many more. As I engaged, watched and listened, I was filled with such deep love for our shared humanity. It is never about anything but each of the unique beings that we are.

It is never about technique or ritual, intended only to remind us of who we are. When we remember, they become irrelevant.

It is never about any ‘other’, as we are not separate. In that realization, there is no ‘other’.

When I breathe, and allow myself to relax into the breath, I am carried effortlessly into the much larger life that awaits my living of it. All I have to do is be willing to show up and get out of my own way. The rest takes care of itself.

This time, I was so mindful of the elements. The warmth of the sun. The rain. The winds relationship with the water. The movement of the trees. The birds. Sounds and sensations all ’round. Enlivened elements all around! This time, as requested, we had the clear evidence of the presence of the elements, without the drama! No doubt, Carole appreciated that one.

This time, it is as if the elements came out to play! With a gentle fury and an unmistakable presence, the elements flowed their energy through all that we created. As we approached the Higher Self Connection on Saturday night, late afternoon brought a calming of the winds and a light but dense fog (really! both at the same time!) wrapped itself around Oceanstone so that we were cocooned. Later that night, as we walked in the dark to our cabin just up the hill, I could hear the unbelievable roar of the ocean…and for a moment, was deeply grateful that I could not see what it was up to! No doubt, I slept much better for it.

This year, the experience of the Higher Self Connection was a collective one. The effect was that of a ‘pattern enhancer’ effect for each of us. I wonder what called to me to engage that way…

I know that next year, for the 5th Annual Huna Retreat at Oceanstone, it will shape itself differently and yet, in some way, its elements will be the same. I am always delighted and surprised by it all.

One thought that stayed with me through the three days, just kept tugging at my soul. I was very aware of the gift to the world by the Hawaiian people of the Aloha Spirit. At great cost to themselves, they showed us that it was possible to live from that state of ‘invite and allow’. I continue to believe it to be possible AND that we do not have to lose ourselves because of it.

Aloha with edges. Fire, Water, Earth and Air – all present. In that, I too can become all present.

Breathing is good…..

Small groups – big impact

Day 4 of Leadership Redefined – Reclaimed is over. This small group of women covered more ground in four days than most of us cover in four years.

It wasn’t always easy and it wasn’t always fun – and it was worth every second. Today, they look and sound different. They are more awake..more present…more connected to themselves. They have clarity. They have a willingness to engage. They have the desire to continue to discover more about themselves.

I continue to believe that women are the key. Each of these women is going home today, more aware of themselves and their potential to have an impact on their world – for no reason other than their willingness to be authentic.

Thirty seconds of authenticity can undo decades of cultural conditioning. No wonder so many are terrified of it and committed to preventing it.

Before we can find its meaningful expression, we must redefine leadership so that we can live it in ways that do not destroy us and the people we love.

I’m tired and know that it has been worth every second. I know there will be many, many more Leadership Redefined – Reclaimed experiences. As women gather in small groups, I’ll be there to open doors, identify pathways and gateways, and invite and allow. In those moments, it will all unfold exactly as it should.

Breathing is good….

Leadership as a result

Day 4 – and we’re almost done. Bellies full from yet another great meal at Oceanstone; a few off to shop at Peggy’s Cove; and we return to complete the cycle of this experience in readiness for the next. Beginnings and endings and new beginnings – all standing in the same space, at a different time.

Who would have thought that we could pack so much living into such a short period of time! Time invested is irrelevant to transformation. It happens in a breath.

So far, it has become abundantly clear that leadership is only a process at lower levels of thinking…at operational levels and below. At higher levels of thinking, leadership becomes an outcome, sourced by an experience of authenticity that becomes the invitation for that in others.

In the industrial model, leadership is a set of behaviours. In a quantum world, leadership is an experience that is the byproduct of something else. That ’something else’ can and will create a new world for us all.

I’ll be back later….and breathing IS good.

Leadership is a state of mind….

Day 3 of the ‘Leadership Redefined – Reclaimed’ women’s retreat. More than any other time, today it is very clear to me: leadership is a state of mind. It has nothing to do with credentials, positional leverage, social status, etc….it has to do with who we are.

LIke charity begins at home, leadership begins in creating our own lives. We lead the same way we live. How can it be otherwise? What is leadership without the leader? Am I a living expression of that which I seek from/demand of others?

Does ‘leadership’ require ‘follower-ship’? Our current models of and philosophies about leadership are profoundly out-of-step with all that we know of a quantum world. I wonder what it is that continues to have us believe that we can move forward in the discovery of a quantum world and continue to be who we have already been…and lead as we have always led? Just how silly are we…..

Leadership is personal….highly personal…perhaps even an experience and/or expression that is intimate. Intimacy with ’self’. Leadership as ‘being’ rather than ‘doing’. We talk about it as a philosophy…but do we have what it takes to live it?

It’s been a long day.

Breathing is good….

The ragged edge of intensity

Day 2 of the Emerging Futures: Leadership Redefined – Reclaimed. Metaphors are wonderful things. Today’s was that of smoke leaving the fireplace and wafting into the room. It was not the only smoke there.

Through the day, I was aware of the degree to which women have become habituated to being nice; to staying in the conversations at the level of the veneer and not straying too close to the wood. As I sit and listen, another conversation forms itself inside me – the one that speaks to lives in a box…or lives existing and not lived…or lives on ‘pause’ while waiting for something to make living it more interesting. In those moments, clear that what it will take to disturb the deep sleep of habituation and complacency is something robust and rugged enough to stand the mind-and-body numbing effects of coma; and ragged and jagged enough to penetrate the thick calous that has formed over this successful, reasonable and moderate life. I wonder sometimes, if the coma is better or worse than the shock of waking up.

It’s not up to me to decide which is better. It is up to me to trust them – and myself – and recognize that if they have chosen to put themselves into these conversations, they are doing so because they’re ready for the acceleration that comes with it.

Day 2 and it feels like we’ve been here for weeks! And, as much as I know how that feels, I also know that when Thursday rolls around to 4:30 and it’s time to leave, it will all have passed in the blink of an eye.

Were I to identify what I believe is the most detrimental of the multitude of ways that women keep themselves small, it would be to presume that other women can’t take it…can’t handle it…are not up to the task of engaging in ways that are clear, open, honest and direct. Women do this with each other and presuppose that to demonstrate any authentic expression of that which is raw and ragged is somehow going to overwhelm the ‘other’. In all the years that I’ve been working with women, I can count on one hand those who have been overwhelmed by an authentic expression by another – even when accompanied by intensity and noise. On one hand! That’s not bad. I’ve been doing this for 20 years.

Today, as our day came to a close, I asked all of the women to ponder this question: what comes to mind when you think of being alone? When you consider that taking a stand for something that is deeply meaningful to you may result in others moving away from you, what is it like to consider being alone? What is the relationship between leadership and standing alone?

Tomorrow, we move to a smaller space that is closer to the edge of the water. A stiff wind, and the Atlantic will be lapping at the door! In much closer physical contact and in conversations that will cut closer to the bone, the intensity will increase yet again. I have no idea where the exploration of leadership will go AND I do know that it will be compelling and riveting! These leadership conversations are not about redefining leadership ‘out there’ but are about redefining and reshaping leadership as an expression of the authentic and unique presence that each of these women happens to be.

There is no leadership ‘out there’. There is only each of us, living an awakened life or running habits. Who we are as ‘leader’ will replicate that in the lives of others.

Breathing is good….

Women, breast cancer, food…and men

I sit here, in the dark, feeling the need to write yet unsure about what seems to need saying such that my body has been awake since 4:30 a.m. Again, a restlessness that prods me to consciousness of body and mind, pushing for connection to my fingers and the keyboard. And so, here I am, not quite knowing where to start and ready to engage nonetheless.

I know the entangled threads of my own thoughts include notions of women and leadership; women and breast cancer; the need women seem to have to apologize when not agreeing or finding something lacking; food and its stranglehold on women and their bodies; and last, but most definitely not least, men. Were these neatly laid out in some pattern or framework, it would be much easier for me to collect my thoughts, one leading nicely to the next, formed in reason and supported by an obvious logic…..but such is not the case.

It is so much easier inside myself when that neat, logical pathway is there. I can feel confident and comfortable in the tidiness that logic seems to bring to a natural organization of information. However, what moves inside me does not feel like it will lead to answers. It feels much more like pieces of questions that, if asked, will somehow peel away to reveal the much larger, far more important question that is the underpinning of the chaos in my own mind – and THAT will bring some kind of relief by allowing a ‘truth’ to become identifiable so that t I can say ‘Ah, yes! There it is! That’s what it’s about!”

I have no idea what any of it is. I just know that it sits there….like a large meal taking far too long to complete its journey.

Women. We are an interesting specimen, indeed. We know we are more…we know we want more…and yet we seem so unwilling to just TAKE. We want, but even more we want to be invited to take. Permission given by other than self, that we may be our self..

Add to that the need to include everybody. The need to make sure that others are ok with our desire/need/want to take…even when permission is granted…unable to be/have more than anyone else without ensuring that we have at least, invited and tended to.

Women and men. Our apparent need to find ways to ensure that we do not imply that (how dare we!) we must move forward on our own. That at this time in the world, the vast majority of men will not engage differently because they cannot engage differently! In this moment, far more than not have been taken hostage by their own history and their genetics and over time, they have created eyes that can no longer see. Even though women can see, it is as if we feel the need to apologize for that and be sure to hold tight to the arm of men and insist that so can they.

Breast cancer. It’s not going away. Not only is it not going away, it’s spreading around the world. Glancing through the latest issue of Time magazine (which I bought to read on the plane and managed to leave on the floor of the media room at home, along with a couple of books….), it’s clear that there is much more to say about it – and I guess I’ll have to come back to this one next week. However, MY body tells me that there is an urgent need to pay attention. I don’t need anyone else to tell me that.

Women and their bodies. Food. Body. Connected and yet, one not really having much to do with the other. Body shape. Body size. Body mass – or lack thereof. Food as salve. Food as punishment. Food as temporary memory loss. Food as distraction. Food as a way of purging us of the truth of our own lives. Food as the cork in the bottle of our own outpouring of rage. Just how much of it has nothing to do with staying alive…staying well….and has so much more to do with acting out what we dare not engage directly?

And how are they all connected???? Because I know they are.

I know that women and our willingness to lead has something to do with men.

I know that women and our need to apologize when we see what they do not, has something to do with men.

I know that women and breast cancer has something to do with men.

I know that women and food and our bodies has something to do with men.

Is it about men? It can be – and much more, it’s about women. About how we abandon ourselves. How we pull in and make ourselves small. How we hold our breath so that we cannot be found. How we make ourselves crazy by knowing we are so much more and yet can’t seem to bring ourselves up to our full measure in the event that we tower over another. How we shuffle along, carrying on our backs the myths of the obligations and responsibilities that have long defined our purpose in the culture, crippling ourselves in the process and exhausting ourselves on the journey when we have barely begun.

Although it feels like a paradox, here’s what I believe: men don’t need me to take care of them or tend to them or make excuses for them. What men need from me is for me to be real; to claim what I see and engage; to move in the direction and with the speed that is who I am and not be less in my misguided need to coddle them. They don’t need it! They are very much up to reclaiming their own lost territory of Self! And when I do make myself less from my desire to be ‘caring’ and ‘compassionate’ and ‘considerate’, I sabotage it all by losing momentum and focus, and getting stuck in the morass of what is when all that could be fades into my habits of being. Perhaps we need to redefine caring, compassionate and considerate so that we can give without being consumed.

Women are dying. And men are dying, too. In body and in spirit. Losing interest in living the lives that we have because we cannot give ourselves permission to create the lives that we want.

If women do not break free from the very habits of culture that have taught them to be grateful for their bondage, there is no hope for the men, either. Women MUST make this journey alone and in the company of each other. I walk my path alone – no one can walk it for me – and when I look right and left, I see other women walking their path, alone.

On this trek, there is neither time nor place to carry another. It is up to women to find a new place to stand and take on the shaping and the creating. We must leave base camp and head up the mountain, becoming willing to make the climb on our own, facing its treacherous terrain and inclement weather. Are we up to it?

This is not an easy thing to do since we know that men have been making this climb for generations. “They know so much more about it! They have maps and signposts and tools! Maybe we can bring them with us so that we don’t get lost!” And in doing so, we will only go where they have already gone – and that will not serve any of us.

I have sons. I have a life partner. I have a brother. I have a father. I love them all – and I am responsible for none of them. My sons are their own unique presence and will shape their lives as they see fit. So will my partner and my brother and my father. Regardless of what I think they can be or should be, they define their lives. And the lives they define, I take no responsibility for. It is THIS approach that keeps us all vibrant and strong – and not necessarily in agreement! Individuals choosing to be in a collective, rather than a collective that demands surrender to its lowest common denominator.

The men in my life – the ones I live with and the ones that I have worked with – know that I do not look to them to save me, or carry me or fix it for me or guide me. What they do know is that I am both willing and able to stand alone; and I am also both willing and able to stand beside them and with them as they engage their own journey. I am formidable and do not apologize for it.

Sometimes, it is not about being equal. It is not about more or less. It is about emerging into the unique expression of who I am without self-imposed limitations. After all, if there are no ‘others’ handicapping my creations, my outcomes are truly my own. Lost to me is the possibility of making someone else responsible for what I create and I am left to face myself.

Breathing is good….

Rapid, profound and generative change

Day 1 of ‘Leadership Redefined – Reclaimed’. Although our day has been a leisurely one (3 hours in the morning and 3 hours in the afternoon), it feels as if we’ve been here for days! Insights, discoveries and instant change are not a function of time invested. They are the natural by-product of our willingness to be present, to be aware and to engage.

I watch…I listen…and in each voice, I hear the determination to have their choices be greater than their fear. I hear a willingness to stay in the tough conversations, particularly when those conversations are a direct threat to all that they know to be ‘true’ and ‘real’ and ‘right’. This willingness leads to soon discovering that all these are maleable and can be redesigned to transform their lives.

Over dinner, we shared stories about our lives and the people in them. We laughed a lot! But then, seems to me that laughter is a given in so many conversations that I’m in. If we can’t laugh at ourselves, the remaining choices are often those that make our lives so much smaller, very quickly.

The women in this experience are not ready to settle for less than who they know themselves to be capable of becoming, in their private and public lives. I have a lot of time for that; and I’m willing to do what it takes to move forward.

Tomorrow is another day and one that I know will be filled with surprises for us all.

Breathing is good…..

The power of contagion

Human beings are contagious, of that there is no doubt. For me, the more important question has always been: what am I spreading?

Mindless contagion (the spread of a thought, behaviour or intention from one deeply habituated/sleeping being to another) will occur, whether I want it to or not. It’s called enculturation. It is an essential part of who we are as living, organic systems. Far more potent are the implications of contagion of an awakened collective.

I just got a note from Frankie Picasso – host of Mission Unstoppable blogtalk radio. To date, there have been more than 190 downloads of our Thursday evening radio conversation that included Amy, Lori and Anne.

To me, this is what it’s all about. Passing it on. People being willing to share with others an experience that has been meaningful for them. Being willing to declare themselves and be seen by others to have been drawn to and/or moved by something….anything!…that has awakened meaning in their day-to-day life.

When we are ‘private’ and ’secret’ about what we are moved by, we end up stuck with what we’ve got. How could anyone know the potential we carry? How could the vision … the dream that could shape our lives …. ever take hold when we are unwilling to do other than just dream?

Intention 2009 will happen – and it will happen because there is a new wave already moving. In this moment, I know that there are now 190 more awakened expressions of that wave….

Breathing is good….

Retreats and new projects

Today, I leave for Oceanstone for a week. The first four days will be spent in the company of women, engaging in one of the most potent conversations I know of: that of ‘Leadership Redefined – Reclaimed’….in an Emerging Futures context. This is the third such retreat, of which I know there will be many, many more.

This time, I had the opportunity to engage with each of the women in a one-hour conversation to explore what their interests/issues/concerns are, which was recorded for their personal use. Two weeks after the program, we’ll do it again. Each woman will then have a record of her own journey and evolution, to be revisited in those moments when it seems that there is nothing they can do about their own lives. What I’ve learned over the years is that as we grow and evolve, re-listening offers new insights since we are not who we once were.

This trip also opens the door for me to another Huna Retreat. This, I do for me. Every year, in the company of ‘ohana’ (or family of choice), I get to relax into the Huna that has so profoundly shaped my life and just let it flow. I never know where it will go – and I am always suprised and delighted by the experience and its outcomes. This year, the experience is calling to and shaping itself around the notion of Connections….to Self, to each other and to our world. Given Intention 2009, this feels important and will carry through to the April 2008 Mauna Lani Experience and Huna Retreat. There are many big and life-altering changes coming and I know that for me, these are the stepping stones to moving easily through and to the other side.

Not exactly a hardshp! Seven nights at a 4-star, oceanfront retreat with great company, potent conversations, great food…..and at least one massage to ease my body into making sure that I stay open to it all! The people I love are all taken care of and it’s a great day to travel. Life is good!

Lori will be joining me for Huna this year. Her recent posting to her second blog ‘A Whole Healthy Me’ has led to a project that will see Lori and I working together in a process to explore our relationship to food….and all of the things that eating represents that have nothing to do with hunger! Lori’s courage and willingness to contribute has resulted in her agreement to record our conversations with the potential to share this process with others who may be experiencing the same kind of challenges. That’s one project that I’m very eager to begin. Lori is fearless when it comes to her own evolution – and so am I.

Time to get on with packing. There is always much to bring to these experiences, including all the things that have to get squeezed into my suitcase!

Breathing is good…..