The desire to pounce

The 6-day ‘Manifesting a Meaningful Life’ experience is THE conversation that lights me up!  Big!  Bold!  Boundless and formless!  Edgy, provocative, compelling… not because it’s a pathway but because it’s the unsettled, feral essence of our potential being.  It is not that we move through those conversations, it is more that we trek… and climb the rock faces that beckon… and make our way through the underwater caves, in the dark… with nothing but our inner truth to lead the way.  For me, it has become a living expression of The Great Adventure that my life is!  My life is destined to have so many more, of these! 

In my experience of it, density and intensity are essential to accelerating manifestation.  To be able to hold focus without distraction; to be able to coalesce all of the living force that I AM to flow through the energetic framework of the intention held by my body (not my intellect) – by the device that is directly connected to the Signal of Self – is what it takes.

I wrote those words a dozen or so days ago.  Today, as I read them, I am aware of this great tension in my body… as if ready to pounce… and just waiting and watching for ‘it’ to come along to pounce upon!  

That one makes me laugh out loud!  If nothing else, I have come to know that there is no thing that will come along unless I say so – and clearly, I have not  yet spoken.  So, I wait – but not in a soft, let-go kind of way.  It is so much more that state of awakened presence… with an edge. 

These days, it seems like I am all edge!  I can’t seem to find ‘not edge’ anywhere.  I’m not complaining, mind you, just aware that my internal state is more acute, more present, more awake than I have noticed at any other time. I wonder what’s coming down the road…

That word – ‘pounce’ – appeals to me.  Rather than working my way through things, or figuring things out, I’m ready to LEAP and once landed, notice where I am.  Beyond the moment of the pounce, in a breath, I will have arrived.  Leaves me wondering:  maybe I’m designed for pouncing and all that is not that has been my opportunity to discover the difference.  Sometimes, one thing has to be there so that we can finally and profoundly notice the other! 

Sometimes, I watch Dott (our little Morkie) play.  All 6 pounds of her… leaping three times her height into the air!  How does she do that???  I swear, she’s really a cat.  Very cat-like in her doggy-ness!  Likes to sleep on the arms of chairs and walk across the back of furniture.  Sound like anything else you know?  Anyway, she pounces… and bounces… and takes huge leaps forward and up into the air!  I wonder where the force comes from? 

One more thought:  today, as I was writing a wonderful friend, I told her that I was feeling my beAst (as opposed to best) and then after writing it, recognized it for what it was: my truth about me.  Something has awakened inside me and I know that, like Elvis, the domesticated side of me has left the building! 

Stay tuned.  Who knows where this will go? 

Breathing is good…

Feral Consciousness

In my own, decades-old journey of personal discovery, I have long been a student of the notion of the evolution of consciousness; or the acceleration of consciousness; or those of awakened consciousness and expanded consciousness. In my own thoughts and in my conversations with others, there has been this ‘other-worldly’ quality of and to consciousness… something beyond where I am and to be strived to attain. Many have ‘struggled’ to expand and awaken consciousness, implying that in that moment their narrow slumbering consciousness was indeed, an impediment to enlightenment and the attainment of a higher order of expression of Self.

I’m older, now. I’m also far more willing to trust my body and the truth of my own experience. In recent months, I have become aware of this notion of ‘feral consciousness’… a not-so-neat-and-clean-and-tidy expression of consciousness that is indeed, a powerful expression of the essence of being. And it seems to have teeth!

The dictionary describes feral as “.. in a wild state, especially after escape from captivity.” I can relate to that. I can relate to a sense of my own consciousness as having finally escaped from the mind-numbing, soul-sucking habituation of external referencing and all that it entails. And with my escape comes the potential to live my life as The Great Adventure that it is intended to be!

Ah yes.. I hear them now… murmurs of ‘But what about civilization?’ and “We need order for us all to survive!’. I’m not quite so convinced as I might have been some years ago. This new state of ‘feral consciousness’ has a quality of eyes wide open, calm body and access to the still-point… to that place of active presence without movement… quietly watchful yet ready to engage in a single breath. In that lies great trust in the simple majesty of being; and knowing that this moment of ‘being’ is the only one I have and it will, without doubt or hesitation, be followed by the next… and then the next… and then the next… each one alone in my existence.

One might call it a ‘dynamic tension’ that is present; an open invitation to create. I think of it more as a state of readied emptiness, enlivened and awake to holding an emerging future in manifestation.

In this moment, my experience of feral consciousness does not come with a lot of words. I only know that its force is in the ‘now’, one breath to the next; and its expression invites LIfe to fully live itself.

Feral consciousness is ragged and unpolished. It has great strength in its haunches and is ready to leap at any insight, invitation or provocation. It is no danger to itself or anyone else and yet, it can destroy realities and illusions.

In this woman’s body, the head of Sekhmet has been found!   

Breathing is good… and I know there is more.

My Dilemma of the Terrible Embrace

I continue to be held in the terrible embrace of my two worlds : the one I have lived and the one I know is waiting for me, to be lived.

I see it played out in the inner turmoil and tension I am experiencing around the notion of decloaking; around the notion of ‘being silenced’ vs ‘being silent’ – one imposed from the outside, in, making me a helpless, powerless victim… and the other imposed from the inside, out, making me a full participant in my own demise… demanding that I stop and come face-to-face with the truth of who I am being in my own life. Both create the same result: I stay hidden and puny and disconnected from my own potential.

I have long known that one of the things that distinguishes my way of moving through the world from that of so many others with whom I engage is that I am the voice that speaks to the process… to the context that has allowed so many to reclaim their lives. Mine is the voice that seeks to say “Over there! Look over there!” as I draw attention to the WEL-Systems journey… the combination of new knowledge and life-altering experience… that makes it possible for others to move into a new paradigm and transform their lives.

The voices of the others are the voices that speak, each to their own lives; and the details of how that life has changed. As loud and as strong as the voices are; as much as they are heard by and sought after by others who are desperately seeking to change THEIR lives, there is no sound that echoes “Over there! Look over there!” that those others may, also, find the WEL-Systems pathway to their own reclamation.

I know that what makes it possible to take back a life is waking up to the possibility that that life CAN BE taken back! I know that the process that makes that possible is the WEL-Systems journey of accelerated evolution… a context within which to find and reclaim the majesty of who we are. I also know that unless you know it exists as a possibility, you can never choose it.

As an example, I received an email from a friend, sharing an email from a previous client and an update on her state of WEL-being. Having stepped into the program with crippling, long term (two decades) chronic back pain, this woman left five days later pain free; and has remained so for months. In her newsy note, she spoke of her own vibrancy in the face of her hiking buddy’s pain and increasing immobilization from lower back pain – and yet, it never occurred to her to raise her voice and say “Over there! Look over there! You, too, can live without pain!”

Beyond that, as the friend read this email, it had never occurred to her to suggest to this young hiker to raise her voice and yet, it was her own voice pointing in that direction that had originally called the soon-to-be crippled young woman to look beyond where she was at that time, to be able to see a different pathway and a far different destination.

Are we so blinded by content that we cannot see the power of context, even when it is a shift in context that has been the key to changing our lives?

Are we so uneasy and unsure and afraid of… of… what!… that we become silent in the face of the lives that cry out for someone with a different view… a different perspective… to speak honestly and openly of  the lay of the land from where they now stand, higher up the mountain?

Are we so fearful of standing alone (even in the good company of so many others who have chosen to stand alone!)… of seeming to be different from the masses… that even when we know the masses are dying, we stand silent rather than speak to an alternative that awakens Self and transforms lives?

This is my terrible dance.. my dance of respect, integrity and generosity of spirit; my dance of being unwilling to NOT be the voice that says “Over there! Look over there!” and knowing that my voice is often the one in the wilderness and goes unheard by so many who are so desperately seeking. My dance of RIGing that demands letting go and trusting that it is all unfolding as it should. My dance of watching the struggle while knowing the struggle changes nothing! My dance of curiosity and frustration as so many lives are expanded and so few voices are engaged in sharing that potential with others.

Every time I am in the presence of another and I am NOT the voice for “Over there! Look over there!”, in that moment of the absence of my own voice, I have chosen for them. I have chosen for them to NOT reclaim their lives. I have chosen for them to NOT awaken to a new way of being… to the possibility and potential that awaits every one of us, if we recognize it to be so.

In my silence, I have chosen to betray myself.

Breathing is good….

Density, intensity and manifestation

It happened on Saturday and has been rumbling around inside me since then.  A seemingly harmless Valentine’s Day breakfast among friends – and my life is changed.  

I arrived with a sense of agitation, having spent about 20 hours editing the soon-to-be ready for production,  multi-CD set on ‘CODE Model Coaching™ – Part 2: The Awakened Self’.  Having listened to that material, over and over again, I was feeling edgy and intense – just like the material.  In particular, the section on ‘decloaking’, exploring the distinction in ‘being silenced’ and ‘being silent’ was still with me.  

By the time I got there, I was wound pretty tight and looking for… something!… anything!…. meaningful to engage.  I felt the need for something dense and intense… something I could sink my teeth into!  I was not disappointed as we settled in with bagels and coffee and great conversation.  

Two of the women had attended the press conference in Ottawa for the Catlin Arctic Survey (see previous posts) expedition about to launch to the North Pole.  After the official part, they had returned with the group to their hotel and spent several hours in conversation about climate change, melting glaciers, going green, etc…. all the things I love to explore… with the very folks who are living it!  I wish I could have been there.   I was riveted as they shared their experience with all of us, eager to hear more. 

We talked about insights and discoveries of all kinds.  We talked about change and evolution and transformation.  We talked about courage and coming face-to-face with ourselves.  It was so easy and effortless, with thoughts flowing into each other, moving seamlessly and paving the way for the next.  And in one of those moments, it was as if I had left my body and was drifting above myself, watching it all unfold. 

In that instant, it was as if I had removed my Self from this body, making it possible for the body to empty in some way; and when I re-entered, things had changed.  

I realized that I have let go.  Not that I want to let go or that I should let go… I have just let go.  It is done.  And I know it will translate to many and varied things in my ‘real’/physical world.  

I have let go of ‘Decloaking’, soon to be followed by ‘Engaging’.  It is time for me to move on.  Those who now choose to take this journey will be in the awakening presence of powerful women like Sheila, Amy, Susan and others to come.  

I have let go of my time in the Maritimes.  I have cancelled my trip to Oceanstone in May and will not be returning to that part of the world for at least the next two years.  I have met many wonderful women there and I know they will be in good hands with Amy and others.

I have let go of Hawaii.  I can’t believe it!  It is as if it has softly slipped into ‘what was’ and I no longer hear the siren call to be there.  My heart is full with all that it has been for me and, in many ways, always will be.  There will always be flashes… moments of recall when I feel the heat of the sun on my skin… when in a nano-second I know that I”m there.  And for now, it is no longer with me. 

I have let go of traveling far and wandering.  For whatever reason, I am called to be here… to be with and around and near my family.  I am eager to fill the Program Room in Kanata with women; to have the Program Room teeming with women seeking to reclaim themselves; seeking to carve out their own path as they find the courage to redesign their lives, fully expressing the majesty of who they are.  

I am mindful of the great intensity I carry to manifest.  I am mindful of finding and connecting with those who are already creating their world, that we might co-create in the much larger Space of our collective Selves.. and be delighted by what we discover.  I am very clear:  the currency of consciousness is already shaping my world. 

The 6-day ‘Manifesting a Meaningful Life’ experience is THE conversation that lights me up!  Big!  Bold!  Boundless and formless!  Edgy, provocative, compelling… not because it’s a pathway but because it’s the unsettled, feral essence of our potential being.  It is not that we move through those conversations, it is more that we trek… and climb the rock faces that beckon… and make our way through the underwater caves, in the dark… with nothing but our inner truth to lead the way.  For me, it has become a living expression of The Great Adventure that my life is!  My life is destined to have so many more, of these! 

In my experience of it, density and intensity are essential to accelerating manifestation.  To be able to hold focus without distraction; to be able to coalesce all of the living force that I AM to flow through the energetic framework of the intention held by my body (not my intellect) – by the device that is directly connected to the Signal of Self – is what it takes.  

It has always puzzled me how so many are troubled by intensity and feel the need to ‘tone it down’ or ‘ease up ‘ or ‘lighten up!’.  It has puzzled me how there seems to be something wrong or inappropriate about  very quickly moving an idea into expression in the physical world, often having to slow down and surrender it to the intellect so that others might track its birth into the physical.  In this moment, I remember the Sekhmet Rising book project – 3 months almost to the day, from original idea to books in the lobby!  Who would have thought that I could have an idea, attract 17 women to it, capture contributions, edit them, design a cover, engage production and have a final (wonderful! ) product in 90 days.  And so, it happened and I believe could happen again in record time.  It manifests first in the domain of thought and then quickly flows  - if we allow it. 

I know that I am different.  I know that as I move forward, from this day, new expressions are waiting eagerly and impatiently to unfold.  This is the year of Intention 2009 – the year that a WEL-Systems® perspective becomes accessible to the world.  It is the year that those whose lives are shaped by this paradigm ‘come out of the closet’ and reveal how their lives have become magic, that yours may become magic, too.  

Imagine  - all that from bagels and coffee… and the company of good friends. 

Breathing is good….

Paradigm of BEING

It’s one of those moments. Things are moving way too fast – inside, where I live – for me to be able to calibrate or track for specifics, or for information in any kind of order. It is all an explosion of formless and nameless ‘stuff’ and yet, I know it all makes perfect sense.

For some time, I’ve been mindful of the degree to which a WEL-Systems® approach/experience is profoundly different from what is typically, familiar to us all as human beings. Many years were spent in great sadness and frustration that so many would have their lives profoundly transformed and yet, were unwilling to speak to others of what had opened the gateway for this transformation to take place.

Some would say that it was the complexity of the material; and that they found themselves unable to speak to it and share it with others. Strange, I thought: in this material is the greatest of simplicity. So, in my efforts to find a way, I would encourage them to put aside the material (i.e. WEL-Systems body of knowledge, its models, etc.) and to share themselves.. to share their journey of discovery  and their experience. And there it ended.

With the passage of time has come greater wisdom – for myself. I began to notice that although we have become more familiar with talking about ‘being’, we continue to seek to find ways of ‘doing’ being. Despite the great pressure we feel to engage in the search for ‘transformation’, we continue to travel the well-worn roads of knowledge and understanding through the intellect; striving to know and do…. of seeking the next trick or technique that will make it possible for us to ‘be’ different. We gather in large groups – sometimes in the thousands and millions! – whether online or in physical venues, and we strive in masses to ‘get it’… struggling to find ‘the secret’ or ‘the path’ that we can have/do so that we can ‘be’.

I have discovered that we will never discover how to ‘be’ by doing. Sadly, the only way we can discover the power of ‘being’ is by being. That is a scary place to stand as it offers no template, no pre-framed opportunity… just ‘self’ and one breath that follows the next. There is nothing outside of us that is in any way meaningful to refer to. (How can it be? Only I can ‘be’ the I that I am.) There is no shield of ‘other’ to point to; nothing to hide behind – there is just the one that I am.

I have discovered that when we’re faced with a paradigm of ‘being’ rather than one of ‘doing’, not only does the ground shift but so do the rules (such as they are!) for moving across this ground. I have come up with the following.

A Paradigm of Being:

* has no rules. It simply is. I take a breath; I allow the breath to move through me, causing ripples and awakenings, and when I exhale, I engage. And then I take another breath….

* is profoundly intimate. To ‘be’ is to feel, to connect, to invite and allow. It is to ‘know’ in the ripples of my flesh and the churning of my belly, not in the clean-cut lines of reason and logic.  It is an experience in freeing myself from Self-censorship… an experience of letting go rather than striving for anything. It is a moment of the hand opening and allowing all within it to fall to the ground, leaving an empty space within which to invite and make room for that which flows effortlessly into it.

* has a face. The face that is mine… that is unique to me… and that I am willing to lay claim to and embrace.  I know my own face… I discover my own face… by stopping long enough to look at it. Deeply. Intimately. To take the time to look into my own eyes and wonder: who is that? ; rather than just using those eyes to scan the body and wonder if it measures up. Connecting to and with this face makes it possible for me to come face-to-face with another… to look into those eyes and see behind them rather than see what surrounds and is attached to them. Intimate, face-to-face contact.

* shares breath. I breathe into mySelf and exhale mySelf… and to connect with you, I must be willing to breathe yourSelf into me and allow mySelf to be breathed into you. Is there any greater intimacy?

I now understand why a WEL-Systems experience – which is a life-altering paradigm shift – has been so dangerous to and frightening for so many. It is a gateway to a Paradigm of Being… through being… and demands all that a paradigm of being demands.

Unbound. Intimate. Face-to-face. Breath-ful. No wonder so many have stayed hidden for so long, despite the potency of their experience. Can we be any more an expression of ‘essential being’ than this?

In this majestic Paradigm of Being, I am finding the great company of awakened, courageous and powerful women. A small band… a TribalOhana… allowing themselves to be all that the Paradigm of Being demands. We are different. I can feel that… and I watch in amazement as each lives openly, lives large and is willing to BE all that is required… is willing to see and be seen… is willing to BE and be in the presence of others who are choosing to simply BE… themselves. It is startlingly powerful – AND it is highly contagious. My belief about that? It is our essential nature and effortless to express!

I now know: I choose to engage with women gathering in small groups… BEING themselves. Intimate in open, clear, honest and direct. Face-to-face with themselves and each other. Breathing deeply and freely and frequently into the flow of their own magnificent expressions of Self! And living boundlessly, without tips or techniques or rules or practices; and choosing instead to trust that like one wave will follow the next, so will one breath always lead to another… and Life and living fully, happens.

Breathing is good…

Being In-Different

As my world continues to unfold, moment-to-moment in an Emerging Future, I am beginning to notice something about myself.

I care deeply and passionately.

I live my life from RIGing – for myself and others.

I am indifferent.

Hmmm…. I wonder out loud… how do all those fit together?

I am in-different. I don’t need to be the same as you or have you be the same as me.

I RIG in-difference. I don’t need to convince you or have you convince me.

I am devoted to the fine art of letting go. My greatest gift to you… my deepest and most respectful offering to you… is to hold sacred the choices you make for yourself.. and let go. I live in-difference with you.

We are not the same. We are not supposed to be the same! I am supposed to me – and you are supposed to be you. Without my capacity to live in-difference with you, I am left with judging you and condemning you, or making myself like you. Neither of those appeals to me.

It’s not nice to be indifferent. In our world, ‘indifferent’ means I don’t care. Paradox is : I care enough to live in that in-difference with you. I am comfortable… at ease… in being with you and not being of you. That you agree or disagree with my choices or way of being is of no consequence to or for me. What matters most is to be in wholeness to mySelf.

More and more, my life is an Emerging Future unfolding. When my day comes to an end and I close my eyes, I have no idea who I will be when they open again! I have no idea what dreams will invite consideration of a new world; or what random shadow will awaken in me a powerful metaphor for living! I only know that for me, there is no other way for me to ‘be’ – and be fully mySelf.

Today, I read Lisa’s blog on Warrior Me. How I do RIG that woman! In her words, I am transported back to a time, oh-so-long-ago, when I knew no other way to be. Everything was a wrong to be ‘righted’ or a cause to be taken on. The easiest ones for me to get swallowed up by were the ones in defense of someone else; or railing against something on behalf of someone else. What about me, you ask? I wasn’t there. I was just ‘doing’ what I knew best how to do, guided and shaped by the needs, interests and guidelines of others.

In those days, I had no idea how to live in-difference. I had no idea how to just watch, from that place of soft, silent emptyness inside myself, and do nothing. If I found myself in a conversation, it must mean that I had to take up the cause – one way or another! Thank you, Lisa, for helping me to remind myself of my own journey. In your moment of peace, I am reminded of my own.

I welcome and embrace and relish and cherish and luxuriate in my capacity for in-difference… for my ability to listen and not engage… and to still be willing to listen another time. In my claimed in-difference, I am welcoming of any contact, of any conversation, knowing that I will not be ‘dragged’ into anything. What freedom that brings to engage! I am not afraid of intimate, face-to-face contact because it holds no sway over the choices I make for mySelf. I can be there – 100% – and I can choose to move on – without commitment, without obligation and without any sense of lingering ‘guilt’.

In-difference is, for me, an expression of RIGing others. You be you, I’ll be me and the world will unfold.

Breathing is good….