Not knowing IS the way

There are moments (like this one) when I realize that I have not chosen an easy path. Even as I write those words, I know I have not chosen (as if it could have been anything else!) but have simply unfolded in the direction that has now become my life.

Something inside presses me to make sense of this for the benefit of others and yet, I decline to follow that thought and trust my body. It needs no further explanation.

It is not a simple task to redefine our state of being. So ingrained – and mindless! – have we become about what we are, the mere thought that we are otherwise is impossible to entertain. Our brains… our minds… our nervous systems spark for a nano-second with the potential and then quickly snuff out any impulse that is counter to what eons of ‘spin’ have left us living: we are not god.

Yet, I know differently. I know that I, like you and every other, is the I AM that we seek. I have not a single doubt, every cell in my body in full and complete alignment with that inner truth. And in so many ways, I stand alone.

For decades, I have sought to find the ‘right’ combination of words; the ‘right’ metaphor; the ‘right’ phrase/story/utterance that could be relied on to ‘pop’ us out of this intergenerational, collective, mind-numbing coma of habituation that we are living. The only thing I can think of that we hate more than being different is someone else who is different. The pressure to conform and homogenize is palpable!

I have lost track of all the books I’ve read, the courses I’ve taken, the things I’ve listened to. I can’t even begin to estimate the thousands of hours of my life that have unfolded in conversations about who and what we are; about ‘self’ and its expression; about connection to the seen and the unseen. My journey began 40 years ago with the last 18 years of my life committed, full time and without interruption, to the exploration and discovery of consciousness, self and the meaning of life. When I read those words, I wonder: how much more?

Perhaps what has brought the greatest degree of frustration, sadness, grief and sometimes hopelessness and despair is to watch many brilliant minds lay out amazing and compelling evidence of a much larger self to be discovered and lived, only to also watch the conclusion become: well, that was fun – now let’s get back to being ourselves! In the blink of an eye, the new and powerful slides off the concrete veneer of our desperate commitment to needing to ‘know’ what we are.

We tinker at the edges of improving our humanity when nothing less than completely redefining our humanity will make a dent in a world in rapid decline. We appease ourselves by what we believe to be the the good effort at incremental change when what we really need is the not-so-good upheaval attached to letting go of all that we have held holy, in our search for the sacred. They are not connected.

The upheaval I refer to is of a kind that might well rear its head were we to be visited by alien visitors and discover that they were the ‘source’ of our creation; that we are indeed a ‘seeded’ population whose origins are in the experimental intentions of another expression of life – and one far more advanced and powerful than our own. Would these then become our latest god? Our creators, our rescuers, our punishers? What would happen to our notions of the existence of god… any god!… to which we have devoted our lives? Who then, would we pray to… seek salvation from… and ask for forgiveness?

That is the type of shift I am mindful of. No tinkering at the edges! When we know what we now know from quantum biology, how can we – even for a nano-second – NOT KNOW that we are the Signal (the source, the creators) streaming through the device of the physical body?

Yes, the body is intelligent as each cell is intelligent; and yes, the body is organic and alive as each cell is organic and alive – and I am NOT my body. I AM is not of the physical but of the energetic; and is always in flow whether through body here or elsewhere. Relative to a physical world, we are indeed immortal. Relative to a far more vast and intelligent universe, we simple are.

So, in this moment, I take another breath and allow myself to let go of all that is not there; of all that is not seen and heard and claimed. In this next breath, I let go of my sometimes great need or desire to be the godforce seeking to engage with other godforces and simply own that the I AM that I am is no longer alone. In this next breath, I turn and walk in the direction of all those other godforces willing to play and trust the innate intelligence of so many who are not.

How do I make sense of that which has no truth in logic?  How do I find words for the unspeakable?  How do I point to that which does not exist in form?  Perhaps none of these matters more than my willingness to just continue to engage!  

There will always be another breath… and then another… and another…

Pandemic

It’s been lingering in the background for some time.  In the last few days, its vibration has amped up significantly as Mexico and other countries ‘brace for impact’ of what many have long intended and been waiting for.  

It would be easy to tell a long story about this; to spend time and typing and ‘pages’ in proffering a perspective that would encompass the allopathic medical model, the great adventure of pharmaceuticals, the drama of description and prescription… and as tempting as that might be for one who loves to write and delights in the music of words, I am clear that it is not necessary.  

I learned long ago that without hospitable ground; without an internal state that is conducive to the extended stay of a guest, dis-ease cannot take hold in the body.  The body is the last frontier for the delivery of the message and when we are paying attention to the messages along the way, the need to express directly through tissue is not required. 

Fear creates hospitable ground.  Rage, resentment, vengeance, hatred… all these create hospitable ground.  Secrets kept.  Lies told.  Betrayals perpetrated or avenged.  Grief long held and long silenced.  Distrust – of self and other.  

I have but one Rx to suggest in the anticipation of what is to come:  to engage in open, clear, honest and direct expression – with self and other.  Beyond that, anything else is irrelevant.

Breathing is good….

Bubbling up from the turmoil

Wow… has it been that long?

As much as I could tell the story of it all, the story now seems completely irrelevant. What feels so much more potent is the place where I continue to stand, not always easy or comfortable and yet knowing that it is exactly where I need to be.

So many thoughts continue to come into my awareness, some with great ease – bubbling up to the surface and then ‘popping’ and disappearing – and for others, not so much! This place is in some way familiar as a process, having been here before in January of 2006. Once again, I am at a threshold of some kind.

The six days of Manifesting a Meaningful Life were life-altering for me, too. I never cease to be amazed by the rapid growth and expansion of the women who engage and yet, this time, there was something different. Bigger. Faster. More expansive! More provocative… compelling… a sense of urgency as its underpinning. Even today, I am without answers and yet know that entertaining the questions is the key.

I continue to let go of things, trusting that it is time. Space opens up and other things flow into that space – not like a command performance but much more as an invitation for me to grow beyond myself. In some moments, I am unsure and consider returning to what has been tried, tested and trusted; to what I know has been profoundly life-altering for so many, evidenced by lives transformed, bodies healed and lives redesigned. And yet, I know that there is always more!

2009 is the year of being bold… of defining from strong colors and sharp edges. It is the time of Intention 2009… of Evolution by Intention and Emerging Futures. It is the year of allowing what was to fall easily and softly from my open hand that I might reach out for the ‘more’ that I know not only awaits but is essential to be discovered!

It is the year of allowing all to be open, clear, honest and direct; to be simple and uncomplicated by the silly dances that I am far too often seduced into, with the unexplored promise of appropriateness, acceptability and approval. It is the year of turning inward and tuning into the unquestionable inner truth that is so effortlessly shared with others in the simple act of living authentically. When I consider how I most frequently and repeatedly keep myself small, its roots are found in my great desire and effort to be inclusive… to speak and write and engage with others in ways that will be invitational to more rather than fewer. And yet, where I stand today, I am mindful of that as one more thing I must let go of.

More and more, I am noticing the increasing frequency with which invitations are presenting for me to draw the line in the sand of my own way of being. If I can move effortlessly and side-step one invitation to hone my sharper edge, the next one presents… only larger and more demanding. If I find the ‘right’ words or the ‘right’ way to move through yet another patch of murky water, murkier water still is found in the next wave! Perhaps it is my destiny to live, now, more from the head of the Lioness than the body of the woman. Do these times demand a greater fierceness or, at least, a willingness for it to be so?

In my 20+ years of working with others, I have had the great honor and privilege of meeting some amazing women! Smart, funny, bold, courageous, deeply caring, passionate, creative, compassionate… and on and on the list can go. What I am now coming to understand is that so many of these same women came haltingly and hesitatingly to the edge of their own potential, sometimes fearful and unsure… sometimes feeling deep shame at their own unquenchable desire to be more than they had been taught they could be… yet unwilling to stay curled tightly into the ball of their own unexpressed sound of life. Somehow, we found each other… some by accident and others by design… and still, our paths crossed and lives changed. For all of this I am deeply grateful and…

… I also know that it’s not enough! It’s not big enough… fast enough… sufficiently far-reaching to massively transform the world we are choosing to co-create. As much as I would like to be able to live large AND not be offensive to any, I’m coming to understand that is not likely. As much as I welcome any and all who are seeking, I am coming to discover that not everyone will find what they’re looking for – and that does not mean that I cannot. For many women, the greatest challenge is: dare I have when so many others have not? Dare I proceed when so many are paralyzed with fear? Dare I engage when so many stand and watch… waiting… for permission to live? For me, the answer to all of that is the same. The answer is a resounding YES!

And so, as I slowly churn in the whirlpool of my own ongoing discovery, small bubbles emerge… bubbles of insight… small burps of determination… small gurgles of great joy and fearless play! Do I have the plan and the great clarity of execution that goes with it? Not on your life! But here’s what I do have: the willingness and ability to RIG myself and others without surrendering the magic of my own potential; the great desire to engage from every cell of my being; and the absolute commitment and determination to be fully present to the truth of my own experience… from one breath to the next. THESE are the women I am looking for. THESE are the women who know the truth of that vibration in their own being. THESE are the women who seek to live fully because they know that anything less means death in body, mind and spirit.

In this playground, I am seeking playmates.

Breathing is good….