Living at mach speed

Almost three weeks since my last visit here.  I look at my calendar and count the days and am amazed that it feels like just yesterday….  How does that happen!?!?!?!? 

I’ve been working on creating the new series of Guided Reflections : 5 different topics of 2-CD’s, each.  I must say, there are moments when I get pretty zoned out… allowing myself to follow my own ‘advice’ and breathe… nice and deep… and allow myself to surrender to the truth of my own body… and then – ZAP!… I come to and remember that I’m creating these and not just enjoying them in la-la-land!   I then move easily back to the drawing board of my own inner landscapes…. 

Two days ago, I sat with my weird-and-wonderful mother, Lorna… still a delight in her 84th year… and recorded a conversation with her about how she has moved through her life with my Dad’s dementia.  Although he was diagnosed about 8 years ago and has been in a veterans’ residence for the last 7 years, both my parents knew almost 25 years ago that it had entered their lives and was nibbling away at the edges of my Dad’s mind.  It’s been a long journey and one that continues to have an impact on her life. 

Lorna and I settled into her sunroom and I pushed the ’start’ button.  An hour and 45 minutes later, we were still in conversation.  I could see fatigue beginning to set in, as we had covered many areas that brought tears and memories of better times gone by, as well as lots and lots of laughter!  That’s one thing that is always present with my mother:  she loves a good belly laugh!  

Today, Paul put the finishing touches to a 70-minute conversation that captures the essence of who my mother is.  My desire was to honor her for all that she has been and is in my life; and to offer her tangible evidence of her own genius.  Instinctively, she has moved through the challenges that come with a family member with dementia, with grace, compassion and humour.  She has cavred out her own path and, as our conversation reveals, it is one with a powerful message:  as important as taking care of my Dad has been, ensuring her own life has been at least as vital!  At 84, she’s still seeking to become more! 

This conversation led to another… one about a more extensive recording during the summer months that will become a legacy for her children and grandchildren.  My mother has always been The Storyteller of our ‘tribe’. I have no idea how, but this women can remember what I was wearing at my first date with my first great love!  Who knew?  And every detail is as meaningful and important and relevant for her today, as it was the day it happened.  

My mother knows things… stories about people and times gone by; introspective ‘takes’ on who someone was and who they’ve become; insights into the things that seemed to matter and the ones that really did.  Over her lifetime, she has seen her world transform in ways that those my age cannot fathom… from no television to the space shuttle!  These are not incremental changes – nor are their impact on the meaning of life. 

So, all that to say, Lorna is pretty happy with her new CD:  Dementia/Alzheimer’s: Living Differently.  

At 84, she is now a published recording artist.  Yet another milestone to add to her chapter in the Sekhmet Rising book which she wrote at 81.  I wonder what’s next??? 

Thursday, I step into the 3-day CODE Model Coach™ Certification intensive with a small group of powerhouse women!  We often joke about how people get nervous as they approach their program event with me, wondering just what we’ll go through this time.  For this little band of merry-makers, I’m the one that’s nervous!  These women are STARVED for more of what they’ve already found :  The Great Adventure of their lives!  Particularly for those coming out of the “Power, Passion and Purpose’ 4-day retreat, they are moving in ways and at a pace that will be just so thrilling for me to engage with them!  I can hardly wait for it all to start!

We’re also just putting the finishing touches to Lisa Weiss’s first CD with me – and I know it won’t be the last.  Wow!  That’s all I can say.   When it comes out, you don’t want to miss it. (Thanks, Lisa… it was GREAT fun to make that one happen!) 

So, time to get back into my own thoughts and get to work on the 4th in the series of 5.  Two are now complete; the 3rd is almost finished; and this next one is on ‘Energy, Chakras and Manifestation’.  I do so love the weird stuff…  

I feel so much better for having spent some time here.  I can feel so many people ‘out there’… following all the postings on the WGGG site as well as staying connected with life unfolding through the blogs of so many powerful, compelling and decloaked women.  My life is such a joy! 

Breathing is good….

I had a dream…

…. or was it a vision? Some might say its a ‘phase shift’ or drifting between worlds. Whatever it was, it came with an insight.

 I was awake and yet knew myself to be dreaming. The dream unfolded in great detail in the time it took for me to draw a breath.

 The world was in chaos. Massive change – unlike anything we had ever known or could likely imagine – was unfolding all around me. With each passing moment, we moved closer to the annihilation of this world as a gateway to the next. Like turning the page of a book, knowing that the next page would not be seen until it folded over and completely covered up the one that came before. Perhaps this has been our journey, all along.

 I knew I could fly. Gigantic wings had taken shape on my back. Frantically, I went from one agonizing person to the next, pleading for them to pay attention… to notice… that they were no longer the same; and that they could rise up from where they stood and remove themselves from the chaos.

 Most refused to look, not daring to risk that it might be so.   They spoke of the destiny of their dying. They spoke of punishment and retribution; of getting what they deserved. They spoke of hopelessness and futility; of the essential end that was unfolding where we stood. They refused to look and so their inability to see became their reality.

Others moved from their belly to their knees… sensing the weight on their back… feeling the movement of something pressing against them. Still, they would not look. They spoke of fatigue and despair; of their time having come and of their lost interest in having any life course through their exhausted body.

 Still others stood and felt and knew… yet they stood still. They spoke of their fear…. fear of trusting… fear of failing… and the fear of being alone. What if they fell? What if they went the wrong way? How could they leave others behind? How could they live when so many around them were dying… when so many were choosing to die?

 It passed quickly. I felt my body begin to lift out of the chaos… begin to move into where the light was bright and the air was clean and full of the sweet smell of life expanding. And although it was different, it was still my world – only bigger, brighter and more compelling. Each breath felt like the exact one that I was to take. And each breath led easily and effortlessly to the next.

 I looked around and saw my new world was filled with others…. so many others who had chosen to see and to trust and to engage. Some stood alone, having left others behind, trusting in the perfect moment of having done so, and yet saw around them so many others who had made the same choice. In that alone-ness, we were together.

 In this world, there is no untruth. In this world, there is the moment and all the life that is bursting from it! In this world, it unfolds as a reflection of our unfolding Self.

 In many ways, that is my life. I can share. I can invite. And I know that I cannot cajole, connive, convince or choose for other than myself.

 I am letting go. I am choosing to notice my wings, to unfold them and to fly. In the moment of that choosing, no matter how ‘alone’ I may think myself to be, I know that I am surrounded and in the very best of company.