Emerging Futures

Even when I sleep, I am still dancing! I awoke this morning with an yet another insight into my experience of dancing.

My dancing is not dependent on whether or not I like the music, the people or the environment. Dancing is an essential form of expression of who I AM in my world. Music or no music; classical, rock or jazz, dancing is still the expression of my being in a physical world. There are even times when I know that I am the only one who hears the music that entices me to move! And yet, it never occurs to me to question whether or not the music is there. I know… from someplace other than where I have been schooled to listen… that I hear what I hear.

For me, dancing is how I experience the flow of my own evolution. To seek to evolve is the essence of my being and not a tool to solve a problem or an approach to silence the scream from within. Over these very many years of working with others, I have come to know the difference between those who dance for the joy of dancing and those who dance to ‘address’ other less life-sustaining moments in their lives.

There are those for whom a choice to engage in their own evolution has come as an act of compliance with the desire of another. There are those for whom engaging in their own evolution is a desperate attempt to stave off an outcome that appears to be inevitable. And yet still, for others, engaging in their own evolution is a last-ditch attempt to figure out what’s missing so that they can fix their lives - and just get on with it!

Solving a problem. Avoiding a different problem! Satisfying someone else. Postponing the inevitable. Not good/bad, right/wrong - just not what lights me up. In my world, these dances are not from the joy of dancing but from a desire to use dancing to compensate for something else, somewhere else.

This week has been a great invitation for me to pay very close attention to my absolute joy of dancing! More and more, clarity awakens a keen eye to identifyng and selecting those others with whom to dance for the sheer joy of dancing - and not for any other reason. And yes, lo and behold - they are there!

That’s the good news. The sad news is that I have not found many. Ours is a world of questions and answers; a world of problems to be solved and journeys to be completed. Ours is a world of practicality and external referencing; a world that leads us to believe that what we need to do is understand and have knowledge; what we need are strategies to make others do things; and that when we feel we can’t or haven’t, it’s a sign of intelligence that we have chosen well how to protect ourselves from the unknown.

I often say to those with whom I work: be very selective about who you spend your time with. Be very picky about the nature of conversations you choose to engage. Both the people and the conversations we choose to engage will become threads in the fabric of the design of our lives. The problem is, we’re the ones who have to live them.

In our world, as with so many other things, we learn to dance so that we have one more arrow in the quiver of our resourcefulness. How sad that so many of us have lost the joy of dancing simply because it is the truth of who we are.

Breathing is good….

I am a dancer.  I have no memory of anything other than loving the movement of body, connected and engaging in flow, with or without music. 

I remember moments of walking down the street, being present to the vibration of every cell in my body, as it engaged in the flow of getting from here to there; vibrating to, responding to and dancing with the sounds of the world around me.  Weaving and bobbing through the crowd;  a quick step to the left to avoid the baby carriage; and small skip to complete my journey through the intersection as the light turned red.  

My body dances to sounds around me… and sounds inside me.  Thoughts create the music of my life - inviting me to move slowly, tangled in the web of my own imaginings; or propelling me forward with the burst of energy that comes with a new insight, marveling at our endless capacity to make our lives interesting and entertaining! 

My mind dances to the words that flow in and through the conversations with those around me.  An idea… awakens and excites another idea… and in the blink of an eye, a life changes.  Quick steps; slow, meandering flows; thick and messy struggles… each an enlivened response to a dance of body, mind or spirit, engaged in living life to the fullest! 

Every one of these, a dance!  Every one of these, an excitation through some level of vibration, moving from thought through sound and image, to a place where my physical body connects with my physical world.  And through it all, I am enlivened and awakened and sourced by the dance!  Through it all, I am nothing if not the great joy of the dance, itself! 

And here is what I have come to discover - about myself and about those with whom I choose and have chosen to dance.  

I can share with you my great love of dancing!  I can speak with you about my love for the dance.  I can share with you all that I have learned in my own living, from the dance of who I AM.  I can direct you and guide you to ways and means to discover and engage the dance for yourSelf.  I can dance with you.  I can dance for you.  I can go first and dance a new dance of living.  I can dance alone and with others.  I can encourage you and cajole you and cheer you on in the creation of your own dance.  I can even use the movement of my body to press your body into movement.  But sadly, the one thing neither I nor anyone else can ever do, is cause you to love dancing. 

No one can make you love dancing.  That is something that you either find inside yourself - or you don’t. You might be able to fake the dance but you can never fake the loving of it. 

I LOVE dancing!  Without the love of dancing, I would have no idea who is the I AM that I bring into this world! Regardless of the music; regardless of whether that music moves inside me or outside of me; regardless of its form or shape or essence - whatever its intrinsic vibration of thought or image or sound or flesh; I LOVE DANCING!  

Wherever I am, whatever I do, whoever I am with, it is the essence of who I AM to dance… and more, to love dancing!  I actively seek out others who love dancing, no matter their perceived ability to follow the rules or know the ‘right’ steps.  What I seek is that innate, instinctive, intuitive love of dancing!  

I remember long ago being called a ’shit disturber’; accused of being one who ’stirred the pot’. Interestingly, these labels had been applied long before I had any idea what was considered good/bad, right/wrong, polite/rude.  I was a child - and even then, could not NOT see what lay before me.  Unable and unwilling to be blind to the obvious, I spoke what others carefully avoided to ensure that no illusion would be disturbed. Today, much older and wiser, I must both admit to and agree with those ‘charges’.  I continue to be unwilling to pretend that I do not see what I see, hear what I hear and know what I know.  Those are the steps in the dance of my life.

I am indeed, a moving presence that disturbs that which many others would prefer not to disturb and sometimes even more, actively engage to preserve the dormant status quo.  Like dancing in a crowded room, sometimes people bump up against each other.  Does that mean that we should cease to dance?  

Without that in myself; and without my relentless and tireless ability to continue to seek out others to play with for whom this is also the essence of their being, I would have to find a way to cease to hear the music.  And before I would do that, I would be willing to spend my life dancing alone. 

I can love dancing.  I can even love others who can’t dance.  But I can never cause anyone else to love dancing.  That is something that no one can hide - from themselves or anyone else - for very long. 

Breathing is good….

… but living fully is a determination… an intention and an accompanying presence that will not be swayed by anything outside itself… and one that requires we be awake, fully present and both willing and able to engage.

Living fully is no small feat in a world of mediocrity and complacency.  That’s not rhetoric but the cold, hard truth of what stands between me and my enlivened existence!  What we’re up against and what it takes to live a life worth living.  Being alive - breathing in and breathing out - is not living. We can be hooked up to a device that can do that for us.  Is that what I want in my life?

Living fully is MY choice!  I choose to engage at full tilt, recognizing that not everyone around me wants the same for themselves.  It is in those moments that I choose wisely who I spend my time with; who I choose to be in conversation with; and the very nature of those conversations.  Am I willing to mindlessly repeat what everyone else is saying?  No!  Am I interested in saying what will appease and ensure a profound lack of discomfort for myself and others?  No!  Am I willing to allow one nano-second of my life to be invested in what I hold to be drivel?  Not on your life - and certainly not on mine.

More than ever, I am clear that I am looking for The Ten - those 10 women whose hunger to awaken and stay awake is greater than their fear of being different… of standing alone… and of the unknown.  Those 10 women for whom living demands living fully - living large and living meaningful and potent lives!  They are willing to be seen and heard for the truth of who they are.  They speak out and stand up for what they believe in.  They live decloaked lives…. no pretense or hiding; no hiding behind pretending to be who or what others think they should be but living the simple truth of who they know themselves to be and more, to be capable of becoming.

These women know what it means to ‘build it and they will come’.  To go first.  To run where others fear to walk.  They know that lies and betrayals are far more damaging than any truth could ever be!  They know that ‘playing it safe’ will only get them more of what they’ve already got - and that does not reflect who they know themselves to be.

They move forward in their lives because that small voice inside says “GO!” - and they do.  Second-guessing themselves and looking to others for agreement or approval is not in their strategy for living. They trust themselves more than they fear the judgement and disapproval of others.  Their own opinion of themselves is more valuable to them than that of anyone else.  And their lives are living proof of the value of trusting themselves!

I know that those 10 women are there - and that I’ll find them before the end of 2008.  I also know that each of them already is profoundly contagious in the authentic expression of who she is; and is already the attractor for the 10 women who will come into her life!  And so it goes….  I find my 10; each of them finds their 10; and so on and so on and so on.  Who says we can’t change the world??  Who says that each of us… the I AM that we are… can’t be the defining presence that profoundly shapes and creates a new world? Who says we’re not enough; that we’re  not up to it or up for it; that we’re too small or insignificant to change the world?  My life is living proof that none of that is true!

Who else is willing to choose living fully?  Who else is willing wake up and stay awake, becoming the attractor for others who are desperate in their restless and agitated sleep to discover how to wake up?  Who else is ready, willing and able to find their 10… who will each then find their 10…. who will shape their world?

 Playmates.  We all need playmates.  I am seeking those who desire to discover themselves to be an awakened presence in a deeply sleeping world; to become the disturbing presence in a world that profoundly needs to be perturbed!

The power of contagion of an awakened collective.  We already know the effect of contagion of a sleeping…no, not strong enough… a comatose collective.  We’re currently living it!  I, for one, deserve more and better.

Breathing is good…

Since returning from the Emerging Futures: Entrepreneurial Women retreat, I’m noticing that I can hardly breathe!  From one day to the next, I catch myself holding my breath - time and again - and wonder what that’s all about!  Typically, breathing comes easily and effortlessly, bringing with it a sense of the vast Space that I AM for my own evolution.  But these last few days, not so!  

This new series of moments, strung together like pearls on a string, are separate and yet very much part of the same overall experience.  Perhaps as I wonder about it, I’ll do it out loud and discover what else is there for me. 

Breath, at the level of dense matter and the physical body, is essential to survival.  And yet I also know that breath, itself, is not the Life Force but the pump that allows that Life Force to move freely and immensely through my physical body.  Small, tight, tiny breaths = small, tight, tiny flow of Life Force.  

My Life Force rides on the crest of the wave of my own breath, making it possible for the ‘energy’ that sources me - body, mind and spirit - to touch every aspect of my being.  When I am not ‘in breath’, energy is significantly reduced, as is my sense of being nourished in body, mind and spirit. 

I’m noticing that when I hold my breath, it is on the inhale.  This leaves my body bracing… pressing against something… vibrating rapidly as if I have to hurry and get through something.  Images, thoughts, ideas, sounds wash over me in a tsunami of cascading notions that seem to somehow smash up against all that I know.  Other times, I have noticed that I have held my breath on the exhale, leaving my body static and tethered to my physical world… feeling slow and stuck or caught in space and time. No images or sounds; no notions or ideas other than the desire to be still.  These days, I am not feeling stuck - I am feeling as if I’m moving at mach speed!  Truth be told, maybe I am….   Maybe my body is trying to catch up to the rest of me.

My non-physical ‘being’ is already light years ahead of where my body stands.  In these moments, I can feel the matter associated to who I have been and what has been, crumbling at the edges at all Logical Levels.  All that I have been and all that is associated to it is moving and shifting and falling apart.  Disintegration is already happening.  Bifurcation is in flow… and my body is letting me know it is doing so with me and all that I am connected to/with in a physical world. 

And so I notice… I stop and take 5 long, slow, deep breaths… and allow myself to relax into the disintegration of my own life.  It is no longer who I am but an echo of who I have been - and it’s time for it to morph and transform and become the ‘more’ that I know I already am.  

Breathing is good…. 

And so I inhale more of who I know I am becoming… and exhale more of who I have been.  Inhale tomorrow… and exhale yesterday.  Inhale potential… and exhale history.  Inhale curiosity and exploration and adventure… and exhale yesterday’s successes, outcomes and results.  

I live in a world… my world… where in order to become, I must let go of who I was, recognizing that it all co-exists in the now.  My body becomes the territory within which this dynamic experience is sensed and embraced and lived. 

In this moment, I am reminded of Susan’s comment during EF:EW about the caterpillar to butterfly process:  that in the formless mass that briefly lives between no-longer-caterpillar and not-yet-butterfly, there is a pulse.  This pulse is the call to become… it is the vibration that invites matter to reform… and it is the call to awaken to the next expression of being.  If the caterpillar is unwilling to let go of what it knows, it cannot become what it does not yet know it is.  In this mush of who I am today, breath and the space it brings makes way for me to notice and follow the pulse.  The pulse is always in the mush - and I am never alone. 

Today, I am mush!  Glorious, life-enhancing mush, with the potential to awaken and engage the ‘me’ that I do not yet know can be!  I’m good with that, and I really do know….

Breathing is good!

I spent last week with a small group of women, talking… about many things, all of which were indicative of but a sliver of their own potential… and mine.  (Visit the Women Gathering blog for more about the week.)

I was deeply moved by my time with them.  I witnessed terror and courage; grief, sadness and loss sharing space with determination and hope.  I rode the wave of discovery, followed by the one of crashinging back into what was, trusting that the next one would be uplifting and move us closer to the shores of our intended destination.  

Just exactly where that was, no one was able to describe.  However, we all knew that this journey we were on - together - would be one long remembered and deeply cherished as having been the beginning of something potent and profound. We were awake and chose to engage in ways that would keep us awake.  

For me, this was yet another journey into the vast and accelerated potential of an Emerging Futures conversation.  They are unlike anything else I engage in.  It requires that we be willing to surrender the intellect and trust the body to lead.  In the lives we live, the only thing we can be sure will never lie to us is our own body.  These Emerging Futures conversations demand that I trust the unique signal that I AM in the world; that I be willing to be fully present and visible; and that I engage with the natural intensity that flows through my body.  These combine to bring the full measure of who I AM in the world to become the invitation to those with me to trust, allow and become that for themselves.  In that moment, magic happens!

Much can be said about these Emerging Futures explorations and will be said in other places.  But for now… for me… what will not leave me is yet one more experience that is evidence of two things:  1) women are the key; and 2) only a woman awake can awaken another woman.  

So familiar is our centuries-old commitment to staying in the coma that we have come to believe protects us from the pain of knowing, we will never abandon it unless it can be replaced with a deep and unwavering trust that we are safe in body, mind and spirit.  Only in the presence of a woman awake is another woman able to touch that Sacred Space where safety resides, becoming willing to shake loose the deep sleep that numbs her to her existing reality. Women awakening and awakening other women - shamelessly and without apology! - is the force that will transform our world.    

We know it’s no longer up to the men.  (And here, as in other places, I am feeling the pull to ‘do the thing’ - you know the one : the one about how I have nothing against men, that there are many fine and honorable men in the world, that I have two sons, a brother and a father all of whom are men, blah, blah, blah…. so suffice to say that all that is a given!)  We know that the world we currently live in is already shaped and defined by men; that many men are themselves saying, that it’s up to the women to clean up the mess (some things never change!); that women are the key to a new and life-sustaining way of being in the world, etc…. and that it’s not working.  If Gaia’s recent and terrifying expressions are any indication, we have precious little time to wake up and smell the roses.  

I know women are the key.  I also know that it is not a process of knowledge or information or training.  It is a process of awakening to what is already there and redirecting the force that we already are.  It is a process of calling up the truth that sits just below the surface and allowing it to move and become a force for redesigning and manifesting a new world.  All this demands a connection to the body in ways that allow the intellect to surrender to the body - and let the body lead.  We have no idea how to do that!  Having spent decades in the throes of repetitive and often brutal reinforcement to always have the intellect override the body, this is not an easy task to accomplish. And yet without it, we are destined to keep doing what we’re doing.  Clearly, it’s not working.  

This is a tough place for many women to stand.  And truth be told?  I don’t think a lot of women are up for it.  There will be a (relatively) small and highly contagious few who will become the attractor for those other few who will be drawn to the vibration of what ‘awake’ carries for them, in their lives.  They, then, will become part of this wave of those highly contagious few… and on and on it will go.  One breath at a time… many times over… by many women awake and shameless in their being so. 

My thoughts continue to unfold from my time last week and often seem random and in some way, chaotic. And yet, I know and trust that all is unfolding exactly as it should. Rather than try to surround them with flowing prose and arrange them in some way that does not come naturally, I share them here as the ‘thought farts’ that they are.    Do with as you will. 

* We are pollinating a new and emerging species.  There is no great mystery as to what that is.  For more than 50  years, our science has been slowly unfolding to us a far more powerful version of the truth of ‘what’ we are.  Not ‘who’ - not our characters or our personalities or our ‘humanity’ but the expression of our physical presence and its connection to the unseen.  These are not explorations of consciousness but adventures of expression through engaging the full measure of our physicality, guided by the intense presence of the unique signal that we are in this world.  We are indeed, Quantum Biological Humans.  Knowing that is not what makes the difference - exploring what that means, is.  

* The Quantum Biological Human™ wall chart (Fully Alive book) gives us a place to stand and from which to explore … and also, a place to move to.  We can choose to stay on the allopathic/Newtonian side and be dazzled in amazement by the Quantum side, or we can cross the divide and explore what it means.  Try it on!  Allow ourselves to experience rather than discuss and philosophize about.   It is a choice - and each of us is response-able for what we choose.  Our lives will become the obvious reflection of what we have chosen. 

* It’s up to women.  It’s up to women to wake up, stay awake and awaken other women.  Not against their will (that would just be more of what we already have!), but by our becoming willing to be seen and heard for the full measure of who we are.  Just be ourselves!  Tell the truth of our own experience, that we might be found by those seeking a different and far more powerful vibration of our own potential in our physical world.  Every time we hide; every time we pretend to be less; every time we become silent and withdraw; every time we live as if someone else’s opinion of us is more important than our own; every time we live as a shadow of who we are, we have become a part of the status quo.  We already know that the stutus quo is killing us.   What do we think we have to lose???? 

* Manifestation is a spiral.  Energy (LifeForce) moves through layers and eventually coalesces into dense matter we call ‘reality’.  As a process, it is predictable and accessible to us all. It is never absent and is constantly expressing.  We are never NOT manifesting!  Our individual and collective realities are the evidential trail of our quality of engaging this process.  It also has elements that we have been taught to separate ourselves from, like intensity (”chill out, slow down, ease up, mellow out”, etc.).  It also demands a strong connection to the unique expression of the signal that I AM in a physical world; and the willingness and ability to decloak and be shamelessly present as that unique expression.  The rest just falls into place.  The Quantum Biological Human is designed to have the signal flow through the device of the body and manifest an outcome from this natural flow.  

I know there will be many more Emerging Futures explorations.  I know that each pass will bring me closer to where I am going… wherever that is!  I trust.  I allow.  I follow the impulse and let go.  Some days, it sucks to be me and most of the time - the vast majority of the time - I love waking up to what and who I know I AM.  It only hurts when I forget. The rest of the time, it is what makes my life the Great Adventure! 

Breathing is good…

I love being in the deep end of the pool!  

I love the power of the conversations and the way they change lives.  ”Just talking’ is more than enough to guide us all through ‘invite and allow’ that we might find a new place to stand.  

I love the intensity that accompanies this highly personal, individual and unique journey of discovery.  No two of us are the same - and no two conversations are ever heard the same way.  It is perhaps that immense diversity that is inherent to a holographic universe that has captivated my attention,  fed my curiosity and nurtured my soul for all of these years! 

I love being with women, gathering in a small group, talking about what matters to them. When we get past the (sometimes) initial uncertainty (i.e. what are the rules?  what can I say/not say?  what will they think?  is it ok to be myself?, etc…) there are two things that naturally  flow:  humour and a deep compassion for self and each other.  I believe it is the essential nature of who we are… and of what we are. 

Spending so much time in the deep end of the pool, loving every minute of it… I sometimes find it feels a little strange to ‘return’ to the day-to-day unfoldings of my life.  I have a HUGE capacity for intensity and not every day of my life is intense.  Perhaps that is indeed, the very good news, particularly for the people who love me.    

Returning to my life is often accompanied by a slight sense of disorientation; a sense of not quite knowing what to do with myself without opening to and extending myself into ‘the field’ to sense and perceive, and be sensed and perceived.  It is, after all, a dance… a magnificent flow of energy moving from and through, such that we become unsure of where one ends and another begins.  I think of it sometimes, as not just watching Northern Lights but BEING Northern Lights!  How can anyone tell that it is ever anything but one complete thing?  That there are no moving parts but just the constant flow of the whole?  That in all its movement and flow, it is whole in its every expression.  That is what it feels like to me to be in these intensives.  

Whether it’s ‘Decloaking’ or any of the ‘Emerging Futures’ retreats, it is always electric with the desire to stay open to and be present for ‘the moment’ that will present itself; that will offer the invitation for an ‘emerging future’ experience; and that will either engage and unfold - or not! - based on my willingness to trust, be present and allow myself to be guided by it.  For many, that is where the deepest fear is. 

What will happen if I let go?  What will happen if I choose to engage without knowing?  Who will I become if I allow myself to discover this…. this… power!  Who will I be as ‘mother’… as ‘partner/spouse’… as the daughter that I have always been thought to be?  What will my life become? 

During my adventure last week in ‘Decloaking’, there were moments when I became so aware of my own life.  (After all, in a holographic experience it is never about anyone but me!  Although others present on my holodeck, each is a living expression of some aspect of my own consciousness.  Every other person is my gift of self-discovery, if I choose to accept it.)  Perhaps the most potent for me was to become aware of how profoundly we train our children to ‘be’ who we believe they should be, framed by my definition of what is true and real and right.  They learn well, and they often grow up to be sometimes strident but always faithful defenders of what we’ve taught them to hold as reality.   And then, the moment comes when we discover for ourselves - in the acquired wisdom that can only come from living our lives - that my certainty about my world may be softening at the edges… and I discover my children to be unable and/or unwilling to loosen their grip on ‘truth’ and ‘fact’ and ‘reality’.  In that moment, I may fear losing my children.  Yet in that same moment, I may risk losing myself.

And so, my love for the deep end of the pool… my ease and comfort in my much deeper truth that it is not that I am a good swimmer, it is that I am amphibious and the distinction is irrelevant… allows me to slowly re-awaken to my ability to also move effortlessly across land and thrive on the breezes that stroke its curves and remind me that I am also a physical being in a magnificent  physical world.  That feels so much slower and denser to me, and yet, I know that, too, is me.  

Like rubbing the sleep from my eyes - not because I have dozed off but because I have lived in the Dreamtime - I slowly gain my footing in my ‘real’ world.  Days of grocery shopping, laundry and discussions with the gardner on how to make my grass grow!  And yes, this too is my life and I am so divinely guided in living it.

I am grateful to and for every breath I take.  I know that I am alive, awake and engaged!

Breathing is good… 

My time in Hawaii is almost complete.  Tomorrow, I leave the Big Island until the spring of 2009 when I return for a four-day retreat for women.  Emerging Futures:  Power, Passion and Purpose will change lives… including my own! (More information will follow on this ‘Emerging Futures’ retreat re dates, etc.) 

I am already a changed woman.  During my time here (as it is on every visit) the flow of Fire transforms who I believe myself to be, making way for discovery and new ways of moving through my world.  This trip has been no exception.  If anything, it has happened faster than ever before.  With Kiluea more active than it has been for 25 years, I am mindful of my body engaging more quickly in ways that invite insight into my own intentions, interests and personal evolution. 

In these last 10 days, I have awakened to a couple of truths that I carry deep within my cells:  my body knows things that cannot be rationalized outside of me (and thank you, Danny, for helping me relax more easily into that about ‘being’ Hawaiian!); and almost 40 years in the ‘human evolution’/personal growth movement means that I have seen more things come and go than most people will ever discover, from the ‘pet rock’ of human potential to the ‘everything old is new again’ song that can be sung about so much that exists today.  The good news is that I know what I know AND I know it profoundly changes lives!  I now trust that like never before.  In this domain of human evolution, I am claiming my place at the table as a Tribal Elder.   

For some time now, I have been aware of a desire to move forward in the company of 10 other women who are also feeling the ‘pull’ to accelerate their own evolution.  It is not just about creation or co-creation - it is about co-creation for (as Paul has awakened me to) mutual evolution.  That last part - the ‘mutual evolution’ part - is extremely important to me. 

Creating things for their own sake does not light me up like creating things that will press the edges - FAST! - of my own evolution.  Co-creating with others carries the same interest;  will our manifesting X result in us each becoming ‘more’ as a result of engaging?  If not, I have to ask myself:  why would we invest our energy/time/effort in this way?  If I am not pressing myself to discover more, I am being who I have already been.  That’s not good/bad, right/wrong - it’s just way too familiar to capture imagination for very long. 

Some time ago, we became aware that a ‘critical mass’ for the creation of Intention 2009 would be for 200 unique women to engage in ‘Decloaking… and living authentically’ in one 12-month period.  Why 200?  Because when we consider the notion of ‘contagion of an awakened collective’ and the number of people that are touched by 200 women, the potential impact goes beyond linear, sequential impact.  To me, it’s about creating a new way of moving through a new world.  

We already know the impact of contagion of a collective in a coma:  it is what has produced the world we know.  Imagine the impact of contagion of an awakened collective; a collective whose greatest force lies in the awakened genius of each individual choosing to move mindfully forward and engaging with mindful intention to shape the world they desire, rather than learn to adjust to the one they think they’re stuck with. 

It’s also about acceleration… finding ways to speed up the process; to move beyond the capacity of the intellect to manage 7 plus or minus 2 items in conscious awareness and to move instead, to using the intellect to engage the body directly to process at the speed of 3 trillion cellular interactions per minute!  The intellect does have a role and processing isn’t it!  The body (as a quantum biological processor) is the most powerful processor we have - what’s missing is that we don’t know how to get out of the way! 

And so, I prepare to leave the Big Island with plans already in place to return.  I also leave knowing that the next 3 months will find me connecting to those 10 women who are also seeking to co-create  for accelerated mutual evolution and the global change that will come with it.  I welcome contact from women who are called to this same consideration.   Already, three have come into my awareness since being here that I did not know 10 days ago.  Be careful what you ask for!  

Aloha goes with me as I prepare to re-enter my ‘regular’ life.  I leave with a great desire to once again be ‘home’ with my family; and I also leave the Big Island knowing that I belong here and will be back, time and again, to reconnect with the Earth and Water that ground and soothe me, and the Fire and Air that propel me in ways and into expressions that I cannot find anywhere else.  In these moments, I know what it is to be whole. 

Breathing is good…

I spent time today with a woman I consider to be a good friend.  We’ve known each other for about 6 years, and yet it feels like just the slightest brush of time.  If you offered me money to pick one thing about her that I don’t like, I’d be hard pressed to come up with something.  When I think of her or engage with her, my experience is always one of dignity, integrity and courage.  

Today, our time together really tugged at something deep inside me - something that has been rumbling around for the past couple of weeks as I made my way through the ‘leadership’ material and then a few subsequent gatherings of women.  I have noticed things about myself; and I have noticed things about myself in groups of women.  I have become very clear, open, honest and direct about my intense disgust with the cultural conditioning of women and the degree to which we allow ourselves to continue to subscribe to it even when we recognize it for what it is.  

For most of the women I now spend time with, long gone are the days when they were too small or too young to choose otherwise.  In this moment, they are old enough and wise enough to recognize that their prison is one of their own construction.  As much as there are places in the world where women are killed because they refuse to take out their subscription to the status quo, here (at least today) it is not so.  And yet, we are crippled under the weight of ‘what will others think of me’ or ‘I must be loving/careing/supportive/helpful/etc even if it kills me’ or ‘No problem - I know you’re hungry so help yourself to my entrails.. Here!  I’ll just roll over and make it easier for you to get to…’ - when with all of it, we know that our lives will not be worth living.

Strong and frequent are the pulls to allow ourselves to succumb to what we think others want of us… expect of us… require of us… need of us… demand of us (at least, in the dark places of our own minds)!  Easy and slippery is the downward slide of allowing ourselves to become lost in the myth and story of what we should be… must be… ought to be - even if it kills us. We don’t need to take our own life - we just need to lie back and think of England and allow it to be taken without protest.  It’s not that we choose to die, it’s that we are unwilling to fight to live!  

Unwilling to declare… to demand… to take!  Unwilling to wrap both hands around our life and say:  ”NO!  This life is MINE!  This one belongs to ME!  Get your own life - you CANNOT have mine! ”  But we don’t do that.  We suffer in silence.  We grit our teeth and lock our jaw so that we can get past… can stomach… can tolerate!… our own life.  We slide silently into the dark from yet another moment lost to our own unwillingness to stand up for ourselves.  We are so quick to take up and fight for the cause of others…. any other!… and yet for ourselves, we turn weak at the knees and dewey-eyed about our own right to live as we desire.  

We allow our sense of duty… of obligation and commitment… to sweep our life to the side, watching it slither slowly and painfully into the gutter of another lost hope… or forgotten intention, often turning our gaze away - pretending not to see - so that we do not have to witness who we have become.  We let go of our sense of being deserving of… of having the right to… a life of our own.  And as if it were not already bad enough, we then hate ourselves for who we’ve become.  We no longer need to be held in check - we’ve mastered doing it to ourselves.      

I’ve noticed lately in my work with women that there is this deep, intergenerational self-loathing that seems to be the back of the hand of which the huge desire to live, is the front.   It is the secret we try so desperately to keep from ourselves:  we want to live!  We want to live fully… and LARGE!… and with  gusto!  It is as if we despise our own unquenchable thirst for life and the degree to which it shows us up for wanting it to be so!  Just how deep does the cultural training go?   To what ends are we willing to go to pretend that it is not so; to be seen to be self-less and willing to put our lives on the back burner so that everyone else can have one?

I watch women come and go in program experiences, in coaching and small group gatherings.  I watch women begin to awaken; begin to find their voice, to recognize the vibration of power in their own sound.  I watch women begin to stir - carefully, at first - and reach for the life they want.  In the safety of each other, they become willing to allow their voices to carry the truth of who they are.  

There is a dynamic tension in their experience in the presence of each other.  There is a strength in the intensity with which they engage.  There is an ‘aliveness’ that is palpable; a sense of play,  an awakening to the irreverent and the outrageous, and a willingness to laugh out loud, dive in and take their lives by both hands!  It is as if they finally show up to take a stand - for themselves, for their own lives, and for a way of moving through the world that carries no apology for who they have become.  

And then, they return to their lives.  They hide the journey of how they came to stand where they stand.  They allow themselves to fall asleep - and sometimes, to feign sleep rather than deal with the consequences of being awake.  ”I don’t want to upset the apple cart”, or “They wouldn’t understand”, or “They don’t need to know” and in those moments, the opportunities for them to create and share their bigger, more compelling and rewarding lives with others… is lost to their own fear.  And yet, their world could have changed profoundly!  

I have yet to meet a single human being who does not have the desire to be more alive, more present and more engaged with themselves and the people they care about!  I don’t know a single soul who is not starved for the intimacy that comes with profoundly connecting to Self and the people they care about.  Far too many people are discouraged and exhausted by their seemingly endless and often hopeless search for authentic change.  And all that was required was that a truth be shared.   

I watch far too many go back into their lives and pretend they are not who they have become.  I watch them pull back, pull in and tone down.  I watch as the roar of who they have been returns to the squeek with which they have long made friends, over their life.  And I watch them disappear.  

In this moment, I feel saddened and fatigued by the relentless nature of how we keep losing ourselves; allowing our lives to slip away and not noticing until long after the trail has grown cold.  I feel overwhelmed by the density that comes with the passage of time and depth of  repetition that results in the unquestioned ‘grooming’ of women to become beasts of burden.  To me, it feels like watching a magnificent mustang turn into a donkey; a creature designed for freedom transformed into a beast of burden.  And if that were not bad enough, we have trained our own voices to repeat what we’ve been told and heap praise upon ourselves for having accomplished this transformation.  But inside, we’re screaming to get out and choking on our own despair.   

Maybe tomorrow will be different.  Maybe tomorrow, we’ll not be so unsure of ourselves, so afraid to be seen, so willing to hide who we are behind the expectations of others.  Maybe tomorrow, we’ll find not only comfort but a sense of personal power in relaxing into the intensity of how deeply we desire, how much we care and how profoundly it really does matter that we have the life we choose for ourselves… now!   Maybe tomorrow, we’ll give up waiting and hoping and wishing and we’ll simply make it so.  

Breathing is good… 

It seems like I blinked and a couple of weeks went by.  

I’ve been listening to and editing for production the raw recorded material from the October 2007 offering of Emerging Futures: Leadership Redefined - Reclaimed.  What an amazing experience!  What felt so strange about it is that as I listened to my own voice (there was more than 24 hours of recorded material to work with), I had no sense of it being me.  It wasn’t the sound quality, or the voice itself - it was that it felt like I was hearing it all for the first time!  That’s a bit tricky when I’m supposed to be editing.  

I kept getting lost in the material, itself. For 10 days, I listened and re-listened and re-re-listened to capture almost 10 hours of the most compelling material.  As I engaged in those multiple passes, I was stunned by the power of the material.  How could that be???? I was one of the women there!!  And yet, there you have it: it was all a big surprise for me, too.  

We (Paul with WEL-Systems Productions and myself) took great care to ensure that the design of the product (labeling, tracking, chunking, etc) was a match for the power of the content.  Man!  I had no idea that it was going to take each of us in excess of 50 hours to get this done.  But we did it - and it’s magnificent!  We now have a 10-disc CD series that will launch a wave of insight and discovery from which there will be no going back.  (It will be available in a week or so, in the online Store.)

Not only am I proud of what we’ve created as a product, I’m deeply honored to be with these courageous women in this raw, edgy and powerful exploration of leadership.  As one woman has already said:  this conversation will redefine how we think of, talk about and live ‘leadership’.   I don’t doubt that for a moment. But all that’s about the CD series.  What about me?

 I’m exhausted and elated at the same time!  I’m filled with anticipation for the future and what is to come!  I’m very, very clear - not just from the force of my own intention/manifestation but also from the life force that pours through my body as I engage this way - that I am indeed, an activist for the acceleration of human evolution! And I am discovering that I am not alone in this pressing force in the body.  

I am finding/meeting/creating many, many other women for whom this call in their own body is intense and will not be ignored.  There is much going on today that is inviting and awakening many to their own evolution.  And yet perhaps what I am most mindful of is :  why walk when we can fly?  Why struggle when we can glide effortlessly into our own magnificence?  Why seek answers when we can learn to delight, relax into and surrender to the joy of the much larger question?  Why have this awakening be the domain of the few when it can be the breath for us all?

I have become very aware of what sets me apart from many.  I do not seek to rid myself or anyone else of their ‘dark’ side.  By having discovered how to acknowledge, claim and honor my own ‘dark side’, I have come to know the genius that it carries and the power of its capacity for allowing the light in.  There are many gateways and discovering a new context for what I once was taught to press aside, has made it possible for me to claim the full measure of who I am in the world.  And life is good!

 Yesterday, I had the great joy of spending my morning with a small group of women, gathering… to explore what it is that ‘lights’ them up.  In three short hours, it was clear that as much as the whole had become greater than the sum of its parts, it could never have gotten that way without each part. In our willingness, each to stand alone, we found great strength in a new collective.  In truth, when we stand alone and take the time to look around, we can see others standing strong in their individuality.  Strength does not lie in blending ourselves into an existing collective - it lies in being the seedpod and attractor for the creation of a new one.

Breathing is good….. 

I care deeply for the people in my life.  My mother tells me that my greatest strength lies in my obvious and unwavering passion for my family.  (I think she’s a little biased….)  And given the nature of the work that I do - of how I live my life and the great intimacy that comes from  my time spent in experiences with clients - my clients very often come to be part of my extended family.  When they hurt, my own body vibrates with that same resonance as if we were strings on the same violin,  sharing in the music.  In that moment, I know that it is an invitation for me to find within myself that which we share that has been touched in some way. 

If you were to ask someone who knows me well about what I cherish most in my life, they would likely tell you that I adore my sons.  I am so blessed to be their mother.  That the Universe has chosen me to walk with them in their lives has been my greatest honour.  There are times when I am so filled with the sheer joy of having them in my life that I sit by myself, tears streaming down my face, at the wonder of it all!  And yet, I am not without an awareness of the magnificence of their imperfection.  In the moments of their imperfection, I come to be gentle with my own.  Sometimes, in being willing to do for our children what we cannot or will not do for ourselves, we learn more about how to know the experience of love of Self. 

Having said this, I am also aware that my sons - as magnificent as they are! - can also be huge pains in the ass.  They think for themselves and are not shaped by ‘the pack’.  They have never been ones to do as they are told simply because someone is older or taller than they are.  They have their own agendas for their lives and insist on living those lives, their way.  As much as they are open to engaging with me and are willing to include me in their lives, they stand strong in owning their choices and insist on moving forward in their own time, in their own way.  In those moments it becomes very clear to me:  I am not them, and they are not me.  

How do we cherish others and yet hold true to our own path?  How do I love my sons and also love myself, refusing to ’sacrifice’ myself to their needs/wants?  How do I come to trust that living my life in ways that are open, honest, clear and direct - choosing to honour the truth of my experience rather than the convention of what it is to be ‘mother’ - will allow us all to become the ‘more’ that instinctively I know we are?   Without trust and respect (of self and other), what kind of ‘love’ do we share? How do we love deeply and let go?  

I am not alone in these moments.  In a recent exchange with a wonderful friend, I found new ground for myself as I shared my thoughts with her.  

“What comes to mind as I read your words is how easy it is to doubt ourselves alfer we’ve let go; and yet, how debilitating it is for us to hold on.  Either way, I believe we need to do what feels authentic for us in the moment and stay present to what continues to unfold

For what it’s worth, I do believe that it sorts itself out.  Being open, authentic and clear are such unusual affects in our world that we often have no idea what the next step can/could/should be.  In that moment, breathing is good… allowing your body to open and relax… and just engage when and where and with whom it feels ‘right’ for you to do so.  

Bifurcation is such an interesting experience in the body.  Like you’ve already noticed, we feel two distinct things at the same time:  the chaos of the old coming apart and the great excitement/anticipation of the creation of the new.  They both exist, occupying the same space and the same time, and the sensation plays itself out in the body.  Personally?  My life has been at its most creative and compelling in those moments! 

I know that as you redirect your attention to what is deeply meaningful for you to create, you’ll be amazed at how quickly it begins to fall into place.  That space I mentioned above is unbelievably fertile ground for new thought to manifest - and fast.” 

My life is lived as an Emerging Future.  That includes my way of engaging with the people I love.  An Emerging Future is a journey that offers no road map or reference points.  What it does offer is the invitation and opportunity to rapidly, profoundly and exponentially transform our lives - in a single breath.  What that demands is that I not only trust the godforce that I am but that I let go and come to trust the godforce that is expressing through the body of the person I so love.  

I love my sons and I also know that loving them means letting them go.  They are no longer children, they are grown men.  I need to trust that who I have encouraged them to become will serve them well.  To spend my life teaching my sons to stand on their own and trust themselves, and then not trust who they have become, dishonours us all.  Holding on is like holding my breath.  When I’m holding my breath, nothing moves - and movement is a sign of life.  The truth of it is: holding on will destroy us all.  

Breathing is good…